The Night

Today felt like someone took a huge needle and shot me full of anesthetic.
The viewing took place today, and yet this whole situation still feels unreal.

Tomorrow is my brother's funeral.
I'm 16, and I'll be speaking at my 27 year old brother's funeral. It's not right.

As I sit here in my basement I can hear all our friends and relatives upstairs talking and laughing. My cousin Kale is sitting next to me playing guitar, and it's real. The people upstairs are real.
But this...this can't be real.

It's hard, yet today I've felt so numb. I know I shouldn't feel like I should be feeling any particular way, but nevertheless I feel as though how I'm feeling isn't right.
And yet sometimes I don't feel at all.

Convoluted.

And so tomorrow draws nearer. Only two hours now.

Thanks to everyone who flew or drove out, and to everyone who have been sending their prayers in their stead. All are appreciated.

Colin