He calls.

It's a battle of our minds and our actions
Not mindful of foregone reactions
The third law applies to science and defiance
Reliance on ourselves, compliance with the smells, the looks, the feels, the appeals that steal our love.
Lowercase "L" because it less applies to Heaven than it does to Hell.
The pastors who preach and the fathers who teach fall back on a common speech:
Moderation in everything.
But, of course, this falls on deaf ears and these words tend to turn to fears to the millions of prodigals who drink tainted water that isn't even close to potable
it's poison - filled with sin
and delicious, a dish of burned out wishes for a people with torn out stitches
which once closed their wounded pride but now gush streams of rebelliousness and selfishness.
And I'm done going with that flow.
It's an undertow.
A current of so-called fun that leaves me feeling less alive and more like my feet have kicked the box I've stood on, leaving my body hung on the tree of iniquity.
He cuts that cord.
He fills that void with Love.
Capital "L" - the kind that drives you up to a mountain to yell of His graces and mercies
Flowing around and through, blowing in a hurricane of utter silence and peace - the kind only achieved when a blinded soul has been released.
Freedom is one thing. But I gladly shackle myself to this Love.
A bond servant of Christ, it won't always be sugar, spice, and everything nice.
It's much, much better.
Like when you open up that long overdue letter.
He turns "better" to "best" and lest you think that's all
He's already taken the fall.
He's destroyed every wall.
And from every corner of every long-lost soul,
He calls.

Broken nose, black eyes, my birthday, and the Easter bunny.

Well, I've gone and done it. Playing intramural rugby last Thursday I dove towards an opponent only to be greeted by my teammates forehead to the center of my face (he was diving towards the same opponent). The impact of his head on the bridge of my nose - right where my nose meets my head between my eyes - caused some of the worst pain I've felt in a long, long time. Convinced it was just bad bruising, I went back to my room feeling like I had a moon-sized crater in my face. The days that followed brought swelling, black eyes, and assurance by others that I had indeed broken my nose. I guess that eliminates me from being Jesus, though I'm still in the running for Rocky Balboa.

Days 1 through 4 of the broken nose saga.

If you're my friend - whether on facebook or in real life - you probably know my birthday was yesterday. Being that it's also Easter weekend, I took the opportunity to take pass away from West Point to Washington D.C. for the weekend to spend time with my Aunt Janet, Uncle Tom, and cousins Shannon and Matt. This is my first ever birthday away from home, and I'm really, really glad I was still able to be with family for it. My family has always put special emphasis on birthdays, to the point that they rival holidays as poignant moments in the year.

Spending my birthday with my extended family was a great choice. My Aunt treated me to a trip to Mt. Vernon (they live right down the road!) where we basked in American history, and in conversation with each other. I process best by talking, and this was a great opportunity for me to do some processing, and also hear about my Aunt's life. Later that night I made blondies with Shannon and Matt, then we watched some movies together.

To end a great weekend, my Aunt cooked a fantastic breakfast this morning. We celebrated Easter Sunday with laughs, conversation, and good food.

How blessed I am! I go to a great school, I have an amazing family, I have a girlfriend who loves me and who I love back, and I have so many friends who are constantly there for me. It's easy for me to get caught up in the individual moments of stress, fatigue, and personal failures. Sometimes it takes weekends like this for me to step back and take a look at everything Papa has blessed me with.


Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. May God continue to rebirth a spirit of thanks and gratitude in you and in me. May his Love envelop you and me so completely that we are overwhelmed with thanks.

When everything is stripped away, isn't that what the Gospel, the good news, is all about? God giving us something we neither expect or deserve? I am humbled by Papa's Love. I don't know how to react to it. It paralyzes me, and in that paralysis a whisper, a single breath resonates. "I Love you, Colin." That resonance ripples throughout my body and I am overcome by a sense of gratitude that simple words cannot express. No actions can express this gratitude, this humbling sense of worth.

Will you join a 19 year old with two black eyes and swollen nose in celebrating powerful Love?

Colin

Having Grace for Myself

Grace is something that's hard for me to understand.

"Reap what you sow," "you get what you pay for," "he got what he deserved," "justice was served."

Experiencing grace is always a humbling experience for me. Whether it is receiving something I DON'T deserve, or not receiving something that I DO deserve, my first reaction to grace is often a feeling of "I'm not worthy."

I love being able to show people grace, but sometimes that's incredibly hard to do. Choosing to respond in love, instead of responding in anger, is so rewarding, and worth it.

This school year, but specifically this semester, I've been placed in a position that I never experienced in high school. I've had to have grace for myself. See, I'm an extremely competitive person, and that reveals itself most when I'm around people who are bigger, faster, stronger, and smarter than me. At West Point, I'm always around people who are bigger, faster, stronger, and smarter than me. I've learned that constantly living in a state of competition doesn't work for me, and is in fact incredibly exhausting, both mentally and emotionally. How do I push myself to succeed and get better, without getting discouraged by looking around? Where's the line between healthily caring what other people think, and needing their approval?

There's a tension between my competitive side, which wants to fight to be #1 and is constantly getting frustrated with itself, and the side of me that wants to keep the status quo, equilibrium.

Having grace for myself is the only remedy to this tension, it seems. Realizing that my competitive side can push me to get better, but also realizing that it's ok if I'm not He-Man is refreshing. But it's not easy. At all.

It makes me wonder how Jesus does it. If I get frustrated with myself on a regular basis, how much more does Papa have the right to be frustrated with me? Yet He doesn't. His grace is eternal, everlasting, all-encompassing.

It's a mystery I'm not sure I'll ever understand.

Do you have an experience with grace that you'd like to share?

Colin

Love Wins.

I've been following the recent surge of tweets and blog posts regarding Rob Bell's new book entitled "Love Wins" with some interest. Bell put out a video trailer for his upcoming book. Here it is:



I was first introduced to Rob Bell in Jr. High through the Nooma videos that my church youth group used at various camps and Sunday morning services. Since then I've read Bell's first book, "Velvet Elvis" as well as his most recent short "Drops Like Stars." I also listen to his sermons regularly via the Mars Hill Bible Church on iTunes. In some christian circles I'm already disqualified as following a false prophet.

For those of you still reading:

Because of this video Rob Bell has been accused of being a "universalist." The tweet that sparked the forest fire on twitter was by John Piper. In it, he simply said "Farewell Rob Bell" with a link to a blog post by Justin Taylor entitled: "Rob Bell: Universalist?" You can read his entire post yourself for more context, but Taylor's key point can be wrapped up in this quote:

It seems that this is not  just optimism about the fate of those who haven’t heard the Good News, but (as it seems from below) full-blown hell-is-empty-everyone-gets-saved universalism.

If you follow Christian tweets or blogs at all I'm sure you've heard the response to these accusations and labels. Now that the waters have begun to settle, the overall equilibrium response seems to be "Ok, what Rob Bell said is definitely a little out there. But let's just wait until the book comes out before we judge." I agree with this response, for the most part.

I've written about asking questions in the past. It seems that many people are scared of questions. The mere act of asking a question shows that you don't know it all. In the above video, you'll notice that Rob Bell makes no statements. He asks questions. And I believe that the content of the video is not what scares people the most and has invoked such strong responses. I think the scary thing to people is that they just might not have all the answers to his questions.

So yeah, I eagerly await the release of Bell's new book so that I can read it and hear exactly what he has to say. I'm not going to hop on the hatred band wagon because Rob Bell said some things that conflict with what some people consider to be doctrine.

But what happens when the book is released and Bell asks more questions that make me uncomfortable? Is it then alright for me to string up the noose, put the firewood around the stake, and nail the cross together?

What if the real problem is that I am simply unwilling to take a brick out of my wall of theology in fear that everything I believe in will come crashing down?

Here's one of the more tactful responses I've seen to the social media flurry:



I have more thoughts floating around in my head about this topic; those will have to wait for another post. I've done posts in the past regarding similar topics, feel free to check them out. Many of them have interesting comments as well.

• Are Jews going to Hell?
• Asking Questions
• “Brickeology” and Velvet Elvis

What are your thoughts?

Colin

P.S. here are some other thought provoking blog posts regarding "Love Wins." Great reads.

• Love Wins - Do You Have Itching Ears? by Chad Estes
• Heaven, Hell, and Rob Bell by Rachel Held Evans
• Why Aren't Fundamentalists Telepathic Comedians? by John Shore (not directly applicable, but along the same lines, and hilarious.)

Saturday Hugs

This poem by Bradley Hathaway says pretty much everything I want to express on this Saturday morning. May you experience a hug today.

Isn't it more than enough that He is in control?

As I went to shave, I changed the blade in my razor this morning.

It's been easy for me to get down, to fall into a sort of hole or depression. I miss home a lot. More than that: I miss how things were. And the hardest thing about all of this change is coming to the realization that things will never again be how they were.

This homesickness/past-sickness was beginning to breed in me a constant state of unrest, of stress. I was stressed about school, sports, duties...most everything actually.

"Wouldn't us getting stressed out kind of be like telling God we don't trust him? I think that if we truly understood the heart of God, we would have no need to be stressed out because isn't it more than enough that He is in control? Philippians 4:6-7 ' Do not worry about anything. Instead pray about everything and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Jesus Christ.'"

My amazing girlfriend sent this to me a couple weeks ago. I've been thinking about it a lot. Today I went to read my Bible, and without even making the connection, I read the book of Philippians. When I went back to re-read Kona's message to me, I realized that it too was out of Philippians. Papa is telling me something.

I changed the blade in my razor this morning, and as I did it I changed my attitude. I choose to no longer feel stressed, because I know that God is in control. I choose to no longer be in a constant state of sickness, whether it be about the past or home, because I know that Papa has it handled.

And that is a freeing feeling.

Colin

The Challenges of my Summer

Where do I start?

I really don't think there's any way I could convey my summer in one blog post. Or 100 for that matter.

Have you ever gone through something so challenging that when someone asks about it, literally all you can say is "It was pretty tough." or "It was really hard." It's not that you don't want to share about your challenge and how you overcame it, it's that you're not sure what words you can use to convey the heartbreak, the extreme emotions, the physical challenges, or whatever proved difficult for you.

That's exactly where I find myself. I can tell story after story of how difficult and awesome Beast was this summer, but I'm barely scraping the surface of what it actually was. It's like the difference between watching the Sharks special on the Discovery Channel versus actually going out and swimming with those sharks.

My squad: Delta Co, 2nd Platoon, 4th Squad

The hardest part of Beast for me was acknowledging when I completely lost sight of who I am.
Let me put it in perspective:
West Point brings together some of the smartest and most physically fit kids in America. Just looking at the facts, I don't compare very well: I'm a homeschooler from Boise, Idaho who graduated from a co-op with 9 other people. I don't come from a big city, I didn't take 6 AP classes last year, and I'm not an All American recruited athlete. Sure, I was chosen to represent Idaho at USMA, but how does that stack up against the kids from Texas or New York who were picked from a far larger pool?

These were the types of statements I found myself making and the types of questions I found myself asking. I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty depressing. I'm used to doing well at what I set my mind to, and let me tell you: I was not exactly a star at Beast. Not to say I did poorly, I just did about average. I didn't stand out like I wanted to or (almost) expected to at the start of Beast.

The rules of Beast are situated such that for about the first week you don't communicate verbally very often with your peers. Because of that, every word that came out of any of our mouths was quickly used by the rest to judge. Not necessarily in a bad way, it's just that we weren't aloud to talk very often, so when we did everybody listened and used those words to define the speaker in their head. Let's just say I asked a couple dumb questions and made a couple dumb statements during the first week or so of Beast, and because of that I wasn't viewed as the brightest light bulb in the shed. It wore on me: this wasn't who I am! I am not dumb, or lame, or foolish. And yet I felt like all of these things, definitely at the beginning of Beast, but also all throughout it at different moments.

It became necessary for me to hold myself to my Focus contract and mission:

I am a peaceful, free, and stupendous man and my mission is to influence, restore, and improvise honor and wisdom in myself and others.

The letters from my parents, sister, girlfriend, friends, and family gave me the sustaining encouragement I needed when I needed it most.

But most of all, there to help me whenever I cried out, was Papa. I was put in a situation where I could either try to get through Beast by myself (like a lot of kids do) and change who I am, or I could trust Papa to get me through it one day at a time and come out intact at the end.

I'm still here. It's still me, Colin Mansfield. There are differences, I'm sure, and I know a whole ton more then I did going into Beast. I know more about military, the Army, weapons, gas masks, tactical movement, and so, so much more. But this point remains key to me: Papa kept me safe this summer, both physically and mentally. I haven't lost myself, and I easily could have.

Beast lasted 6 weeks, and they are 6 weeks that I will never forget. I'm sure that as I write more, some of my specific Beast stories will make it up here.

Today is my first school day. All of this summer and this last week (Reorganization week) have been leading up to the school year. I have learned how to be a soldier, and now I will learn how to be a student.

My classes? Math Modeling/Intro to Calc, Psychology, Advanced History of the US, Chemistry, and Composition. I have half of those today, and the other half tomorrow (think block schedule). I expect to be pushed to my limits, just as I was this summer. I expect to bend under the pressure, but this summer has shown me that I don't have to break and that God will sustain me.

Please pray for me: that I will continue to be encouraged and that this school year, although stressful and difficult, will also be fun. Pray that Papa will continue to reveal to me who He is, and who I am.

A huge thanks to everyone that has supported me coming to USMA, and to those that sent me letters this Summer.

4th Class Cadet Mansfield

Learning Love

Papa is so good.

Tomorrow I'm taking a step that will forever change my life. I'm entering Beast Barracks, West Point's Basic Training. Tomorrow I get my head shaved, and my first taste of the next four years. I'll be out of internet contact until August, depending only on letters as my form of communication. It will be difficult, but so good.

Yesterday I was at a Family Reunion with my dad's side of the family. It was so great being with people that I love and that love me. At a certain point my aunts, uncles, and cousins congregated in the main living room of the bed & breakfast we're staying at. My Aunt Janet stood and said that with all of the celebration of family, my acceptance and moving off to West Point needed to be recognized. She then proceeded to reveal a beautiful cake with the West Point crest on it. After the cake we watched a slideshow that my cousin Shannon put together which covered my entire life. It was so amazing, and she did such an incredible job; it really blessed me so, so much. After the slideshow my aunts, uncles, and cousins shared memories that they have with me. They gave me words of encouragement that I took to heart. It was healing medicine. Finally, my parents spoke. My mom expressed her heart and began to weep. My dad followed, equally teary as he shared about my lifeless birth and miraculous recovery. My parents encouraged me and breathed life into me. In many ways, tonight was CPR for my spirit. This whole experience has shown me that so many people love me. And it's relatively easy to understand that in my head. The trouble I've had has been with my heart. Tonight that transition happened. Rather then just knowing that people love me, I actually felt loved.


Last week I was in California. I drove down there with my parents, and spent a night with my Grandpa and Grandma and the next day at my aunt and uncle's house. Later my family connected up with Kona's family (who had driven down that day). I spent the next two days with Kona's family at Knott's Berry Farm in Anaheim. It was an incredible time. So many fun memories, like Stephen and I running around that night and Kona and I holding hands and enjoying the park. The next day we met back up with my family in Long Beach, got on a boat, and headed to Catalina Island. Catalina Island holds many, many special memories for me; my family has attended a Christian family camp there called CBS almost every summer since I was born. I've made some of my very best friends through CBS, and I've had the honor of working there in the past. This particular trip was especially amazing for me: not only was it a great vacation to precede Beast, but I got to share this trip with my Best Friends: Kona (my incredible girlfriend), Collin (my long time buddy), Kale (my hilarious cousin),  and Stephen (Kona's brother and my close friend). Not to mention my family and the rest of Kona's family. I'm not going to lie, the week was very hard. Staying in the moment proved very difficult, as I constantly knew that saying goodbye to my girlfriend was looming on the horizon. Kona and I made the best of the hard situation by spending time together, and with Kale, Collin, and Stephen. It really was a lot of fun, and I'm so glad I chose to go there before Beast.


These last few weeks have been utterly and completely fantastic. There have been so many laughs and memories, to be sure. Part of what this whole process has taught me, however, is this: love is something to be learned as much as it is something to experience. It is not something that ever stops revealing itself, rather it is something that reveals more and more with each year, experience, and relationship. Learning Love is not about figuring it out. It's not about suddenly defining a word that has baffled so many people for so long. Rather, it is an acknowledgement that love is more than just some fleeting emotion. Love is tangible and it is real. I've felt it in the air so thick you could cut it with butter.


Learning Love is a part of my journey. This last week has been extremely difficult, depressing, and confusing. Tonight, however, I feel free. I am loved. I haven't done anything to earn it, and yet it is true.

I am loved by my family.

I am loved by my parents.

I am loved by my girlfirend.

I am loved by my friends.

But most importantly:

I am loved by Papa.

And Papa is so good.


I'll talk to you in August! Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Colin

New Beginnings and Complacent Christianity

On Thursday, I leave Boise. On the 28th of this month, I start Cadet Basic Training. In early August, I start my first year of school at the United States Military Academy at West Point.

A lot is going through my head. Just graduated, just received my Eagle Scout, newly minted adult. I'm having trouble processing most of what's going on, and I've resorted to simply 'taking it all in.' I'm going to West Point with no expectations, and in preparation for that I'm taking each day leading up to Beast (Basic Training) one day at a time.

In the book Stumbling Souls: Is Love Enough? author Chris Plekenpol invites a gay, HIV positive, homeless man to live with him. Chris decides that merely inviting this man to Bible study, only to drop him back off at the street corner afterwards, isn't good enough. Chris is stretched with the question we've all faced when helping someone in need: how can I help them without enabling them? What can I give them that will help them, not hurt them? Chris decides to be the hands and feet of Jesus in the literal sense: he invites the homeless man, James, into his inner circle, and into his house. What Chris finds is that James is really the one helping Chris. Sharing Christ's love in a tangible way comes with incredible risk. Chris finds that the payoff is more than worth it.

I can relate to Chris on many levels. Chris held many of the same feelings towards homeless people before his interaction with James as I do now. In many ways, even the most compassionate mega church draws a line in the sand when it comes to helping people. We'll go into the park and feed them, but only if we can retreat back to our suburban houses afterwards to unwind and watch some cable. I hate to admit it, but I'm as guilty as anyone. How many times have I seen a homeless man or woman and thought "man, what brings them here, to this place in their life?" and then continued on my way to the movie theater to use the "anything helps" change on popcorn and candy?

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35

I think too often we assign value to Jesus' words, we recite the verses, and we preach sermons on the topics without ever living them out. We let the words of Jesus lead us when it's convenient, then "pray about it" when He says something we don't necessarily agree with.


Don't read Stumbling Souls: Is Love Enough? unless you want to be challenged. It will make you take a look at what you believe about tangible love. It forced me to ask myself the question "where is the line between listening to somebody and emotionally being there for them, and physically helping them, whether with money or other means?" I'm not sure I've arrived at an answer to that question, and I know that this book provided the catalyst for me to ask that question in the first place, and that's a good place to start.


The words of Chris Plekenpol hold a weight to me that is hard for others to understand. Chris is a graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point, and is an experienced executive officer in the 82nd Airborne, as well as a combat company commander in the 2nd Infantry Division in Iraq. Chris took many of the same steps that I'm taking now. He went through many of the same emotions I'm going through now. And he made it.


Chris gives me hope. He give me hope that I can make it these next four years, then nine years, then 12 years, then maybe more. He gives me hope in his belief in Jesus, and that God is sovereign. He gives me hope in his acknowledging that "comfortable Christianity" is really "complacent Christianity" and that there has to be more.


Colin

How He Loves: A Song Story by John McMillan

The song "How He Loves" has been played frequently in churches around America lately, and covers have even been done by famous Christian bands like David Crowder Band.

I, personally, love the song and did a blog post on it a little while back. It is so real. So raw. So where I'm at.

This video posted on John McMillan's vimeo page makes the song even more powerful. It speaks for itself, check it out:


How He Loves : A Song Story from john mark mcmillan on Vimeo.

Colin

Keeping Portland Weird with my Sister

God's plan is so much better then ours, don't you think?

Last weekend my sister, Meg, and I took a trip to Portland. Really, it was for no other reason then to connect and love on each other.

As most of you already know, I'm headed off to West Point in a little less then a month. This summer is going to be intense as I go through basic training and move towards cadet life at the academy.

My sister wanted to take me somewhere for us to connect. We threw around some ideas, but none of them seemed to fit the grid for a place to both have fun, and connect with my sister. Finally, I landed on Portland.

Portland? Yeah.

I think my sister thought it was a pretty odd place for me to suggest, seeing as other ideas had been Lagoon and Silverwood (both theme parks.) Why Portland? Why not? I'd heard from several people that Portland is the cat's pajamas, and I simply had to go there and see what's up.  As my sis had been there before, I figured she could lead the expedition, not to mention the fact that she is great with directions (not a strong point for me.) Still, she felt more comfortable with having my GPS enabled iPhone with us.

My sister made the plans early on (about a month ago) and we were looking forward to the trip with anticipation, and rightly so! After all, where two or more Mansfield's (or Roe's) are gathered, there incredible fun can be found.

Last Saturday at 6am the trip began. We arrived in Portland at 6am, due to the hour flight and time change that worked in our favor. Here are the highlights of the trip, and how Papa really showed up:

Click here to read the rest.

On turning 18, fear, and trust

Turning 18 gives me mixed emotions.

I'm an adult, which is pretty cool. I get to buy lottery tickets, smoke, go to jail, and vote. More importantly: my words hold a new weight coming out of my mouth. I can be recognized as some one with an opinion, and not just merely viewed as a teenager shouting into the wind. I get to be viewed as an adult shouting into the wind!

Ok, maybe I'm being a little too snarky and sarcastic about this whole thing. I really do view it as more than a legal "coming of age". 

To tell you the truth, I have a serious conflict about this whole turning 18 thing, and it really doesn't have to do with my birthday at all. April 23rd 2010 signified that I am one huge step closer to leaving home and starting my own life. As anyone who has experienced this knows, that's both one of the best things and one of the scariest.

In a little under two months I'll head off to college. I'm going to West Point, located in New York, so there really is no transition period. I'll be living in Boise one day and be living in barracks at USMA the next.

I really am excited for this experience and lifestyle. This has been my dream since I can remember having dreams. I am excited to be bent, broken, and recast. I'm excited to truly learn what it means to lead.

None of this comes without a cost. I have to leave my family, girlfriend, friends, and home town. This is the hardest and shittiest part of the whole thing. I'm being 100% real: more fear then I've ever known rises in me when I think about it. Fear that I may not see some of my closest friends for years. Fear that my relationship and friendship with my girlfriend will change because I wont be there for her when other people are. Fear that one day I'll wake up at age 30 and wonder where the last 10 years went.

Fear isn't healthy, and I know that. I also don't know any other way to combat this fear save two things: ask Papa for a shoulder to lean on, and make every effort to be here now, at every moment. I'm striving to enjoy every moment I have left in High School.

It's almost like I'm an adult in everybody else's eyes but mine. To me, I'm just a kid who doesn't want to leave his loved ones, and no matter what I tell myself I keep coming back to that. And yet I am most definitely not a boy; I'm a man, and a peaceful, free, and stupendous man at that. I'm finding being "peaceful" and "free" is a lot harder when that's not at all how I feel.

And right now I kind of feel like this blog post is depressing. I really and honestly don't mean it to be: this is just where I'm at. I don't want it to sound like turning 18 was a bad experience and now I'm dragging my feet; that's not it at all. In fact, I'm finding that I want to be more present from moment to moment now then ever before. This whole going to college thing is starting to bring things into focus. It's hard, and I know I'll be glad for it in the long run.

It's easy for me to say that I trust Papa to take care of everything while I'm gone: my relationships, girlfriend, and family. It's a lot harder to believe that in my heart and to actually trust Him. I'm working on it, but I'm not there yet. What I do know is that Papa has a plan that's a whole lot better then mine. My hope is that that plan isn't going to be emotionally stressful and that it won't hurt. My hope is that my worst fears don't come to fruition in that plan. I'm having a hard time trusting Papa because I feel like if I do, it somehow gives Him permission to use my fears to stretch me. I know I probably need to check my heart about this stuff, and I bet most of you could show me verses that prove me wrong. Nonetheless, this is where I'm at now. I want God's help, but am having a hard time trusting Him. How's that working for me? Not very well.

For now I want to enjoy every moment, which includes (but is not limited to): staying up late and blogging, going to opening night movies, doing crazy stuff with friends, hanging with my gf as often as I can, hanging out with my friends at every opportunity, and focusing on being all there with my family when we are having fun together. A couple of those things already have a check next to them.

Prayers headed this way would be awesome,
Colin

Heaven Meets Earth Like an Unforeseen Kiss

How He Loves Us

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Click for video


My Comments

Questions

I'm tired of people pretending like they have all of the answers.

Is it so unfathomable to think that there are things happening around us that we have no clue about? Even more than a "scene above the ceiling" - a whole Kingdom around us that many refuse to recognize?

This trip to Israel was so awesome. I'm glad I was able to journal via blogging; it really helped me process while traveling, and I'm glad to hear it proved interesting to others as well. The things I speak of in this post are only a fraction of what I've been thinking about.

Something this year has taught me, and something that really hit home for me on this trip, is the power of questions.

I've really come to a place of peace about not having to always know the answer to something. I can accept that many times things are simply out of my control - that no matter how much I plan and map a decision out, there are things are at work that I have no clue about. I can accept that Papa's will for me is to live loved, and that He will take care of the rest.

This last year has forced many questions through my mind. I've heard it said that when you question something that is in the Bible, oftentimes the answer to that question produces only more questions. I've seen firsthand the affects questions can have on someone who is trying to haggle for an item from a Jewish shopkeeper.

There's something about questions, whether answerable or unanswerable. People are uncomfortable with too many of them, as they can pry a man's heart from his chest if asked correctly.

I've come under fire from a few people, both online and in the real world, when I've written or talked about author's such as Rob Bell and William Young. Why? I'm really not sure. There's something about people that ask questions, and look at things with a different set of glasses on. In some strange way, it scares people. They tack labels like "Emergent Church" and then call for unity. What? Please, for the sake of us all, I would ask those people to look for a plank before removing the speck.

Even God challenges people with Questions.

Job 38

Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said:

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me."

God goes on to question Job for four chapters. At the end of the questioning and challenging, Job replies:

Job 42

Then Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

Whoa. That's powerful.

I'm never going to stop asking questions. I understand that the nature of asking "why?" is to come back with the answer "I don't know."

And I'm ok with that.

Because I really don't need to know everything.

Like getting to know a friend, girlfriend, or relative, I accept that there are things about the nature of God and this world He's created that I may never know. But just as with those people, that won't stop me from continuously seeking a relationship and asking the hard questions.

Colin

A bend in the road

Last week brought a joy and praise that is truly amazing.
This weekend has been hard for me.

I think the main thing I've gotten out of it all is this: what I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.

Let me back up a bit.

I've worked for Oasis Coffee Co. since October 2008, and I've loved every minute of it. My boss is a fantastic guy, the people I get to meet are awesome, and I've learned a new skill set that I've been able to apply elsewhere. I've learned valuable life lessons and established relationships with people that I wouldn't have even known otherwise.

And on Saturday, out of the blue, I was let go.

I didn't take it well. First came the sobbing as I got in my car. Then, I found myself getting out of my car on the way home and punching a wooden light post while screaming. Didn't enough happen last year? Why this? Why now? These questions, and many, many more were making their way through my head.

I find myself being angry at God.

Why does something shitty like this have to happen out of nowhere? Is this what You do to people? Where's the love? Where's the peace? Where's the grace? Where's all the cutesy "only one pair of footprints because You're carrying me" metaphors now? Talk back God! Where are You?

You cringe, and I fume.


I had a great talk with my boss yesterday. We talked things over, and I understand why I was let go. I have nothing personal against him or the coffee shop. Some things simply weren't working out, and that's that. I'm extremely glad that I had the opportunity to work there and get so much out of it.

Then, I talked with my parents. Man, are they awesome. They both encouraged me, and my dad asked me what I can learn from this.

And now, after two days of processing, there's one main thing I take away from everything.
What I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.
Am I a 10 regardless of whether or not I have a job? Yes.

I really don't get Papa's timing. I have no clue where's He's going with all this; but this I do know: He knows. And I think that security, that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and that He is the Creator of all things, gives me enough hooah to continue. Several people have told me that God has incredible things in store for me.
I believe you, Papa.

And perhaps some of those great things will stem from the result of this announcement:

I've been accepted to the United States Military Academy at West Point!
I found out last week, and I am so excited. I've worked so hard for this, and I am so jazzed that it has payed off. More then my hard work, though, Papa's hand has been abundantly clear in the whole process.
When I first started asking God about my future and what college I should go to, I prayed something like this:

God, please open the doors for whatever it is you want me to do. If it's not what you want, I don't want a part of it.

This last year, and these experiences lately, have really helped me shift my focus. I find myself praying something closer to this:

Papa, help this experience shape me to who you created me to be. If it's not going to draw us closer, I don't want a part of it.

For me, the difference between these two has been experiences that have hurt. The latter prayer is often prayed with far more questions and yelling, but I have found myself being more real with Papa then I ever was praying the former prayer.

This last week has been a serious bend in the road for me. The first step of many to come in the next 12 years (4 years college, 5 years military, 3 years inactive reserve) has been taken. And, an integral part of my life for the last year-and-a-half has come to a close.

Please join me in praying that the experiences to come bring me closer to Papa.

Colin

Christmas and a New Season

Merry Christmas!
Or day after Christmas, I suppose.

I really wanted to do some kind of Holiday post about good cheer, cookies, Santa, and presents. Every time I'd try to clear my thoughts and whip out my blogging device, however, I'd draw a blank. No accidents, I figured, and I let my dad hold down the blogging fort.

And now, Christmas has left the plate and New Years is up to bat.

I'm currently in the back of my parents Saturn Vue on the I-15 headed South to Salt Lake City, then on through Vegas. My dad and mom are talking in the front, and I've got my headphones, laptop, and Internet card in the back seat. Our ultimate destination is Palm Springs, California for some extended family visiting.
And I think I'm ready to write a bit about my mixed feelings this Holiday season.


This year has been painful, no doubt. I've written about it plenty before. Thanksgiving proved especially difficult, because, well, it's hard to to give thanks when there's not much to be thankful for. Then again, it really did put in perspective what I do have to be thankful for. You can read about that here.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, no doubt. I love everything that goes with it: decorating my family Christmas tree, setting up the little village on our chimney, putting up the lights with my dad, drinking my mom's delicious homemade egg nog, enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book by the fireplace, and most of all: Christmas morning. I love waking up to the presents, hugging my parents and whispering "Merry Christmas." The stockings are always opened first in my house: we each open our stocking at the same time, pausing every few gifts to look at each other's winnings. After stockings, my mom generally has some kind of small breakfast cooked up. This year it was cinnamon rolls, and man did they taste good with the coffee she brewed up. The presents came next, and because I'm the youngest, I got to hand them all out. This year my cousin Dannie came and opened presents with my family; she was an awesome addition. Every year I pass out a present to each person, and we take turns opening in some kind of orderly fashion. This particular year we did oldest to youngest. Every present is appreciated, and none are taken for granted. We hug each other and laugh plenty.

My family has traditions built around relationship and love.

And this year, one of the stockings remained hanging above the fireplace. Empty.

Papa, what are you doing?

My family made the decision this year, at the prompting of my sister, to remember my brother for who he was in his entirety. Now this may sound all fine and dandy to you, but you probably didn't know my brother. There is a lot of hurt in my family from things he said, things he did, and tension he caused. For my sister, the bad memories outweigh the good. For me, some of the earliest memories of my brother are of him lying, deceiving, and yelling at my parents. For my parents, they raised a fun-loving beautiful boy who turned into a drug-addict trouble producing man.
It's really easy to Saintify someone when they die. It's a lot harder to acknowledge who they were in their entirety.

But something that's hit home for me this year is that, in the grand scheme of things, what I DO really holds little worth. If I could DO my way into Heaven, there would have been no reason for Baby Jesus to make his manger appearance.
What I'm beginning to see now is that the coin has two sides.

How often do I find myself holding on to my actions as if they are what defines me? In reality, who I am in Christ is all that really holds weight.
For my brother, his actions would have sent him to Hell. Who he was in Christ made all the difference, eternally.


Looking over at that empty stocking on Christmas morning was not easy. Neither was sitting around the table saying a bad memory I had about my brother.
For all of his imperfections, and everything he DID that was awful, the person who he WAS, was amazing. And, as the case could certainly be made, the person he IS, is even more incredible.
Christmas was hard, but it was good.

And now, it's about time to celebrate the onset of 2010. For me, next year will hold all kinds of changes, not the least of which is the transition for High School to College. And something I've learned from this year is that no matter what I do, what happens to me, and what changes I go through, God is the same. Yesterday, today, and forever baby. He's where it's at: the Alpha and the Omega. He's Love, and He loves me. Insecurity and fear begone, Jesus dwells in my heart, life. Next year is going to be incredible not because of what I do, but who I am in Him.

I hope you had a fantastic Christmas, and that your New Year's Celebration is full of fun!

Colin

The One Year Anniversary of Ground Shaking

This year has been
changing
incredible
devastating
life changing
life halting
unbelievable
frustrating
real.

This blog has been one of the best outlets for me to process, share, grieve, be real, and have some fun.

And today marks the one year anniversary of Ground Shaking. One year! As I reflect on the many, many posts I've written, I can't help but reminisce. Reading posts from a different stage in my life really gives insight into how far I've come in this last year.

Thank you so much for reading. Thank you for participating in discussion, and for processing ideas and thoughts along side me. Some of you have been around from the very beginning, and some of you are reading this post as your very first. Either way, thank you for being a part of Ground Shaking.

And what of that name? Ground Shaking. A long time ago, I wrote:

'Ground Shaking' is a direct result of what I believe my purpose in life to be. Haha, I know right? That's a pretty intense statement. In all seriousness though, I've put a ton of thought and prayer into this aspect of my life. I've been challenged to think and re-think. Eventually, I was able to land on a one sentence phrase which I believe sums up my purpose. My purpose is to be an earthquake for Christ. I know that as time goes on, how I define my purpose will probably be sanded down and polished. It may even be broken in two and completely re-made. As I stand now, however, this is what I believe my purpose to be.

This year has proven to be both sand paper and polishing rag.

So, how has my definition of 'Ground Shaking' changed in the last year? In a few ways.

• I no longer see it as an act necessarily. Being a Ground Shaker doesn't require an action on my part- it's who I am.
• My effectiveness as being a Ground Shaker largely depends not on how I appear, or my surroundings. Rather, it depends on my being secure in who I am, and being 100% real in that environment.
• Love is an integral part of being a Ground Shaker, and Papa is Love.
• Ground Shaking doesn't necessarily mean speaking up because I feel I have to. Many times, it means listening and sincerely asking questions.

On this blog, I've shared my best times, and my worst times. Thank you for your discussion and thoughts as I've continued to develop what being a Ground Shaker means.

It's a process. Life, I mean. I'm in it, your in it, the President is in it, that guy on the corner holding a sign is in it. We're all in process. Just as this first year of my blog has held the best and worst of experiences, I anticipate this next year will hold amazing times, and frustrating periods. My life will, inevitably, change in the next year, and I will have things cross my path that are completely unexpected. What I'm beginning to realize is that all of that is simply a part of the process.

This I do know: Papa is especially fond of me. He loves me how I am, and is excited for who I am becoming. As much as He loves what I am interested in and what I do, He cares so much more for who I am. His love outweighs all the hate in the world, and his peace calms the most fearsome of storms.
He is the Alpha and the Omega. He is Love. He is.

The only reason I can have any impact on this world- ANY IMPACT- is because of Him. I am, because He is.

Fascinating how that works.

Am I a Ground Shaker? Yes.
And, I am only this because He has created me this way, and loves me how I am.

May this next year of blogging be even more terrific, profound, fun, ridiculous, and full of love.

Thanks for tagging along with me! Here's to a great start of year two!

Colin

Being Thankful

As I looked back at my blog posts, I realized this is my very first time blogging about Thanksgiving. Very cool, and very interesting.

To be honest, I feel like I don't have much to be thankful for this year.
My brother died. My grandma died.
If anything, this is the year I probably have the most reason to NOT be thankful for anything.

My family has a tradition at Thanksgiving. We each have a candle clipped on to our plate. One person starts with their candle lit, and they say one thing they are thankful for. They then use their candle to light the candle of the person sitting next to them. This continues until the entire table is ablaze with thankfulness- only then do we begin the meal.
In past years I remember wanting to get on with it so that I could taste the beautiful dark meat of the turkey, and the gravy-topped mashed potatoes. When my turn came to say what I was thankful for, I remember saying the normal things: "my family," "my friends," or "a great year" were classics. I wasn't being a selfish kid, I simply was taking for granted everything that should have meant something in my life. Taking for granted the very thing that made the food on the table possible. Ironic.

In many ways I feel like my response to the thankfulness candle this year could simply be "pass." I've got the excuses and the reasons to be sure. In fact, my family as a whole has every reason to give a big resounding "pass" to the question of thankfulness in 2009.

But I don't think that's at all what Thanksgiving is all about.

The Pilgrims who originally celebrated Thanksgiving weren't giving thanks for the easy situations, simple problems, and "safety", they were giving thanks for avoided fatalities, survival, and friendship. They were giving thanks for what little they had.

History put aside, can I honestly put on a sour face during Thanksgiving? Can I honestly spit in Papa's face for all the relationships he's given me this year? Can I, in good conscience, go pout in the corner and let every joyful moment of the past year slip my mind? No, I really can't.

Is it true that shitty events have taken place in the life of Colin Mansfield this year? Undoubtedly.
And yet, I have so much to be thankful for.

• One year anniversary of dating my girlfriend, Kona Estes.
• My nephew, Cole, who will be turning two this January.
• A dog who, despite losing both of her eyes this year, remains happy as a puppy.
• True friends who have incredible senses of humor, will pray with me when I need it, and will tell me to shut the hell up when I need it.
• An amazing sister. Words can't describe how much she means to me, and how much closer we've gotten this year.
• A real relationship with Papa. I used to know him as my God. Now he's more, he's my daddy.
• The realization of what Love is. And who Love is.

This is in no way a complete list, or even the start of one.

I really do have loads to be thankful for. And, like the Pilgrims, much of it has come through looking through the lense of loss.

This year, when I get the candle passed to me, I won't have to say pass. Nor will I feel inclined to say any old thing because the turkey is calling my name.
This year, I'll be able to speak with the knowledge that I have so much to be thankful for.

What are you thankful for?

Colin

Re Blog: Church Alumni

This post is taken from Captain's Blog. View the original post here.

Last week I was interviewed by Recycle {Your Faith} ministry about my current story and thoughts on corporate church. An hour and a half session was clipped into three minutes. Oh my! It is scary to put your thoughts down on tape knowing that someone could edit your comments to make you look other than what is in your heart to share. I'm glad I trusted Craig. I think he did a great job with a dicey topic and an amateur interviewee.

Recycle {Your Faith} produces short videos that are designed to be shown at small groups to introduce topics for discussion. I wonder what dialog will come out of this!

Click here to see the video Craig titled, "Church Alumni."

The Great Romance

So God created us in His image, and He is love.

We are created in the image of Love.

God created us for relationship; with Him first, then with each other.

How does this romance work?

Men naturally will defend women, without thinking.

In the Bible, we are likened to the bride, and Christ to the bridegroom seeking after his bride.

Just as men will naturally protect and care for women, God will naturally protect and care for us.

And with danger looming, how much more?

What would happen if everything we look at: the trees, our jobs, board meetings, donuts, our spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend, related to this Great Romance?

Not like all connected, but all depending.

What would happen if we're not just affected by God's Love, but we depend on It?

The closer we draw to Him, into the arms of our Papa, the further we get from darkness, hurt, fear, and pain.

Papa, draw me close.

Colin