A Fatherless Father's Day

In my family holidays have always been a pretty big deal. Mother's Day and Father's Day rank high on our scale of important holidays, and that goes for our whole family - not just for my sister and I. My parents always make it a point to call their moms and dads and wish them a happy day.

Father's Day is a little strange for me this year. Why? Well, it so happens that I'm missing my father. My mom and dad are currently volunteering their time at Campus by the Sea, a family camp out of Catalina Island. They will be there for a majority of the summer. It's really cool, and I am so ecstatic for them...and it makes celebrating today slightly difficult. See, they don't have cell service which means I won't be able to call my dad. They don't have internet, so there's a good chance he won't even read this for a few days until he can get to a cafe in Avalon, the city one cove over from CBS.

I figure the least I can do to honor my dad today is to write about how thankful I am for him.

My dad has made me who I am today. Without him, I would not at all be the same person.

• My dad taught me the value of teamwork, and the value of leadership. The last year that I played little league baseball I was on the Phillies, and my dad was the coach. Our team consisted mostly of misfits and players that hadn't been picked by other coaches for better teams. My dad did more than coach us that year - he gave us hope and encouraged us to believe in ourselves. We went undefeated the entire season, made it to the championship game, went into extra innings, and barely lost by one run. It was the best season of any sport I have ever played.
• My dad has taught me the value of money, and the value of spending money. "Food tastes better when you share it" is something my dad taught me early on, and it is so true. I've watched my dad build entire businesses from the ground up. I've seen him spend incredible amounts of money on his campaigns, and help save other candidate's campaigns with mere pennies. I've prayed with my dad for money to come in, and I can't count the amount of times a mysterious check has arrived on our doorstep or a friend has walked up and handed my family money out of the blue. I've helped my dad spend ungodly amounts of money at the movies, just because that's a part of the experience. What would a movie without popcorn and milk duds be, anyways?
• My dad has modeled love for me, in the most valuable ways. He's taught me how a gentleman acts, and how to treat ladies. He's shown me what a great marriage looks like with my mom. His ever growing love for her never ceases to amaze me. He's been verbal in his love towards me, speaking to me in my love language of words of encouragement.
• My dad has shown me the value of growth. He calls it being a "lifetime learner." That is, the type of person that never stops absorbing new truths and never ceases growing. In many ways my dad is a completely different man then he was even 10 years ago.
• My dad has taught me the art of humor. When I was 5 or 6 we watched Austin Powers together. Multiple times. Need I say more?
• My dad has shown me that anything is possible. I've watched him inspire people to do things they never thought possible, and I've been on the receiving end of that inspiration. He often reminds me that "it's not what you know, it's who you know." If you know my dad, you're two degrees away from everybody else in the entire world. When he says something can happen, I know better then to doubt him by now.
• My dad has set the best example for what a personal relationship with Christ can look like.

My dad has impacted me more than any other human being on this planet. He has believed in me when few others have, and he has loved me when I've been at my absolute lowest. We've been through the hell of losing my brother and losing my grandma, and we've been there for each other. My dad has always been there for me.

My dad, Dennis Mansfield, is the finest man I know. I aspire to be like him, and I am honored to call him my father.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.
Lue

Some Christmasy Thoughts

I love Christmas so much! This year is especially special to me because it will be the first extended time period I've had home since Beast Barracks. In many ways I feel as though Thanksgiving break was the teaser, while Christmas break is the full length movie. And if you've ever been to the opening night of a movie with me, you know how excited I must be right now.

Today I completed finals, or Term End Exams (TEEs), at West Point. And with that, my first semester of college has come to an end! What a refreshing feeling. I feel like the pressures of the school year have truly lifted for the first time since coming to USMA.

An amazing family friend has put me up for the night in a hotel right outside the airport in Newark, NJ. I leave bright and early tomorrow morning, fly through Seattle, and land in Boise at about 3pm. It can't come fast enough.

As for right now, I'm sitting in the hotel lobby tinkering around online, listening to Christmas music (excellent playlist: Relient K, Sufjan Stevens, Trans Siberian Orchestra, and a mix album of classics) and getting into the Holiday jive. Christmas has to be my favorite time of year. I love how everyone has their own unique traditions and routine on Christmas morning. Talking to one of my best friends at West Point, Dan Bryce, I asked him about his traditions, and it was as though I was getting a look into not only his Christmas morning, but his childhood and family traditions as well. To me Christmas has always been the common denominator of the year. Everything can go wrong during the entire course of the year, but Christmas is always waiting at then end, a beacon of hope and cheer. And it seems like I'm in need of that hope and cheer right about the time it arrives every year.

A particular part in C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe stands out to me. If you remember the story, the White Witch has put a spell over the land in which it is always winter. But that's not the worst part. It's always winter, but never Christmas.

And when you really think about that, it has pretty deep implications.

Is life without hope truly life? When we have nothing to live for, are we really living? Or are we simply existing?

These are the things I'm thinking about as people wander in and out of the hotel lobby. But for me, Christmas has always been a time to reflect and ponder.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Colin

Christmas and a New Season

Merry Christmas!
Or day after Christmas, I suppose.

I really wanted to do some kind of Holiday post about good cheer, cookies, Santa, and presents. Every time I'd try to clear my thoughts and whip out my blogging device, however, I'd draw a blank. No accidents, I figured, and I let my dad hold down the blogging fort.

And now, Christmas has left the plate and New Years is up to bat.

I'm currently in the back of my parents Saturn Vue on the I-15 headed South to Salt Lake City, then on through Vegas. My dad and mom are talking in the front, and I've got my headphones, laptop, and Internet card in the back seat. Our ultimate destination is Palm Springs, California for some extended family visiting.
And I think I'm ready to write a bit about my mixed feelings this Holiday season.


This year has been painful, no doubt. I've written about it plenty before. Thanksgiving proved especially difficult, because, well, it's hard to to give thanks when there's not much to be thankful for. Then again, it really did put in perspective what I do have to be thankful for. You can read about that here.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, no doubt. I love everything that goes with it: decorating my family Christmas tree, setting up the little village on our chimney, putting up the lights with my dad, drinking my mom's delicious homemade egg nog, enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book by the fireplace, and most of all: Christmas morning. I love waking up to the presents, hugging my parents and whispering "Merry Christmas." The stockings are always opened first in my house: we each open our stocking at the same time, pausing every few gifts to look at each other's winnings. After stockings, my mom generally has some kind of small breakfast cooked up. This year it was cinnamon rolls, and man did they taste good with the coffee she brewed up. The presents came next, and because I'm the youngest, I got to hand them all out. This year my cousin Dannie came and opened presents with my family; she was an awesome addition. Every year I pass out a present to each person, and we take turns opening in some kind of orderly fashion. This particular year we did oldest to youngest. Every present is appreciated, and none are taken for granted. We hug each other and laugh plenty.

My family has traditions built around relationship and love.

And this year, one of the stockings remained hanging above the fireplace. Empty.

Papa, what are you doing?

My family made the decision this year, at the prompting of my sister, to remember my brother for who he was in his entirety. Now this may sound all fine and dandy to you, but you probably didn't know my brother. There is a lot of hurt in my family from things he said, things he did, and tension he caused. For my sister, the bad memories outweigh the good. For me, some of the earliest memories of my brother are of him lying, deceiving, and yelling at my parents. For my parents, they raised a fun-loving beautiful boy who turned into a drug-addict trouble producing man.
It's really easy to Saintify someone when they die. It's a lot harder to acknowledge who they were in their entirety.

But something that's hit home for me this year is that, in the grand scheme of things, what I DO really holds little worth. If I could DO my way into Heaven, there would have been no reason for Baby Jesus to make his manger appearance.
What I'm beginning to see now is that the coin has two sides.

How often do I find myself holding on to my actions as if they are what defines me? In reality, who I am in Christ is all that really holds weight.
For my brother, his actions would have sent him to Hell. Who he was in Christ made all the difference, eternally.


Looking over at that empty stocking on Christmas morning was not easy. Neither was sitting around the table saying a bad memory I had about my brother.
For all of his imperfections, and everything he DID that was awful, the person who he WAS, was amazing. And, as the case could certainly be made, the person he IS, is even more incredible.
Christmas was hard, but it was good.

And now, it's about time to celebrate the onset of 2010. For me, next year will hold all kinds of changes, not the least of which is the transition for High School to College. And something I've learned from this year is that no matter what I do, what happens to me, and what changes I go through, God is the same. Yesterday, today, and forever baby. He's where it's at: the Alpha and the Omega. He's Love, and He loves me. Insecurity and fear begone, Jesus dwells in my heart, life. Next year is going to be incredible not because of what I do, but who I am in Him.

I hope you had a fantastic Christmas, and that your New Year's Celebration is full of fun!

Colin

Being Thankful

As I looked back at my blog posts, I realized this is my very first time blogging about Thanksgiving. Very cool, and very interesting.

To be honest, I feel like I don't have much to be thankful for this year.
My brother died. My grandma died.
If anything, this is the year I probably have the most reason to NOT be thankful for anything.

My family has a tradition at Thanksgiving. We each have a candle clipped on to our plate. One person starts with their candle lit, and they say one thing they are thankful for. They then use their candle to light the candle of the person sitting next to them. This continues until the entire table is ablaze with thankfulness- only then do we begin the meal.
In past years I remember wanting to get on with it so that I could taste the beautiful dark meat of the turkey, and the gravy-topped mashed potatoes. When my turn came to say what I was thankful for, I remember saying the normal things: "my family," "my friends," or "a great year" were classics. I wasn't being a selfish kid, I simply was taking for granted everything that should have meant something in my life. Taking for granted the very thing that made the food on the table possible. Ironic.

In many ways I feel like my response to the thankfulness candle this year could simply be "pass." I've got the excuses and the reasons to be sure. In fact, my family as a whole has every reason to give a big resounding "pass" to the question of thankfulness in 2009.

But I don't think that's at all what Thanksgiving is all about.

The Pilgrims who originally celebrated Thanksgiving weren't giving thanks for the easy situations, simple problems, and "safety", they were giving thanks for avoided fatalities, survival, and friendship. They were giving thanks for what little they had.

History put aside, can I honestly put on a sour face during Thanksgiving? Can I honestly spit in Papa's face for all the relationships he's given me this year? Can I, in good conscience, go pout in the corner and let every joyful moment of the past year slip my mind? No, I really can't.

Is it true that shitty events have taken place in the life of Colin Mansfield this year? Undoubtedly.
And yet, I have so much to be thankful for.

• One year anniversary of dating my girlfriend, Kona Estes.
• My nephew, Cole, who will be turning two this January.
• A dog who, despite losing both of her eyes this year, remains happy as a puppy.
• True friends who have incredible senses of humor, will pray with me when I need it, and will tell me to shut the hell up when I need it.
• An amazing sister. Words can't describe how much she means to me, and how much closer we've gotten this year.
• A real relationship with Papa. I used to know him as my God. Now he's more, he's my daddy.
• The realization of what Love is. And who Love is.

This is in no way a complete list, or even the start of one.

I really do have loads to be thankful for. And, like the Pilgrims, much of it has come through looking through the lense of loss.

This year, when I get the candle passed to me, I won't have to say pass. Nor will I feel inclined to say any old thing because the turkey is calling my name.
This year, I'll be able to speak with the knowledge that I have so much to be thankful for.

What are you thankful for?

Colin

From DC to Annapolis to Philly to West Point

Today was a whirlwind of the best kind.
Right now I'm on the East Coast with my dad, and let me tell you it's been a blast!




We flew into DC last night and immeadiatly went to the White House and Capitol building...at 1:30am! It was an awesome experience to be sure. After done with our late night adventure, we took the 45min drive to Annapolis and stayed at the Holiday Inn Express. A great start.




Today was awesome. I've never done anything like it before; seen so many tourist and classic American spots in one day! Starting on Annapolis, we grabbed bfast at Carrol's then headed over to the Naval Academy to look around, and, as a Go Army family, urinate on the parade grounds. Ok, maybe we didn't :) all the same, USNA was a cool sight to see and place to experience. After visiting the gift shop, it was back in the car.



East Coast countryside is beautiful to drive past. Brilliant trees, ground moist from fall drizzle, beautiful sky.
But Philly is a whole other world.

If you were to take New York City, give it a traditional feel, get rid of the huge buildings, and make the people have REAL attitude, you'd get Philly. Let's just for comparing them to NY I'd probably get shot.
So, we did the rounds. Cheese Steak at Jim's was the biggest must-have, so we went there first. I got a steak sandwich with whiz and onions, and it totally hit the spot. :) something beautiful about eating Philly Cheese Steak...in Philly! Also, we got to see the bar featured in the movie 'Invincible' (pictured).



And now, back in the car, we're headed to West Point in NY! Tomorrow will consist of Touring USMA, then heading into NYC for some Little Italy goodness.

This has been so amazing! I totally can't wait for the days to come! We'll be headed back through Philly to sight see, then to DC for some touring before heading back home.
If ya want to follow my trip, head over to http://Twitter.com/ColinMansfield

Colin

My Halloween

The Easter Bunny Hates You

You know what the Easter Bunny is doing the other 364 days of the year?

Easter through my eyes

Easter has always been a special day for me. For as long as I can remember my family has dyed eggs, done Easter Egg Hunts, Easter Baskets, eaten deviled eggs. Also, for as long as I can remember, my family has participated in Church Easter functions. These have included, but aren't limited to: Sunrise Service at the Tomb, pancake breakfasts, and playing parts in Church Easter productions.

Something I've come to realize is that I appreciate both aspects of Easter: the "church" aspect, and the "bunny" aspect. Mind you, I'm not placing a giant rodent over the Savior of the World by any means, I'm simply saying that both hold a near and dear place in my heart. I've found Easter to be one of the easiest times for me to connect with Papa, and I've found it one of the most enjoyable ways to connect with family (and my sweet tooth.)
Point being: I love Easter. Recently, God's been showing me how these two "aspects" of Easter actually are one-in-the same. As I mentioned in my last post, Jesus is all about relationship.

Below are pictures from past Easters that I have enjoyed. Also, feel free to follow my day on twitter; I'll be recording my thoughts about Easter Sunday on there all day.

Have an awesome day full of laughter, friends, family, and relationship!

He is Risen!
Colin
P.S. Check out my dad's blog for his thoughts on Easter.

REFLECTIONS

Easter, Lacrosse, and why I give a tweet.

Today, I'm writing like Costco sells. In bulk.
Imagine three completely different topics, written as if they're their own posts, but then strung together using one word that not only defines the blog entries, but also projects what's in the author's heart.
Now, read on.

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Twitter.
To many people, that one word brings forth an instant cringe; an automatic mental shut down. Often, when I bring up twitter around friends or other people I know, I get one of two things: the "geek stare" or the "god stare." Notice how either way I'm getting stared at. Unnerving to say the least.
In any case, I have a confession to make: I am a twitter-aholic. Or, to be less pessimistic, I enjoy twitter a whole lot. No, it's not because I want to grow up to be one of those snazzy "hip" dads. You know the stereotype: sun-glass wearing, iPhone holding, white-earphones-wearing, constant grin, and a computer at home that took a house mortgage to pay for. Ugh.
Rather, I enjoy twitter because I really do like seeing what people are up to. No, I'm not some nosy stalker type, I just enjoy communicating, conversing, and being in contact with people. And twitter provides me a fast, simple, fun, and easy way to do that- all while stuff is actually happening, and even from the comfort of my very own cell phone. :) O, wat joy!

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I play lacrosse for Capital High School. Don't know what lacrosse is? Try this: think of soccer. Now, give each of the players big metal sticks, make the soccer ball a rubber baseball, and give each team member hockey pads. Finally, make the game full contact. That's lacrosse.
This is my 3rd year playing for Capital (makes sense as I'm a Junior) and I really, really enjoy the sport.
The problem with Capital lax (yep, that's the shortened version) is that it's always been semi-mediocre. Not to say we've ever been HORRIBLE, or AWFUL, just to say we've never been the best. Some years have been better than others, but as a whole we tend to fall above Borah, but below Boise.
Lacrosse seasons starts in about Feb. and goes all through the rest of the school year. Yep, that's right kids, it's in full swing now! We've had about five games, three of which I've been able to make. (The first two happened in the week of darkness.)

Today, my team played Eagle High. Ugh. Allow me to elaborate; though it will take digression:
Eagle High is made up of primarily rich kids. Generalized, but true for the most part. On the lacrosse field this snobbish mentality transfers into blatant and unnecessary sarcasm, direct insults, and many yellow foul-flags thrown on the field (most of them because of my team retaliating to the verbal dickishness.) On top of that, they play lacrosse well. Not as good as Timberline or Centennial, mind you, but good enough to beat most other teams. In a scrimmage earlier this year, they stomped us so hard I can't remember the score (purged from my brain.) Suffice it to say that my team wanted to win this. Bad.
We wanted to knock those silly rich kid grins off of their sarcastic and sneering faces. We wanted to take their $100 Benjamins and stuff them down their esophogus so as to suffocate every last one of them to death. We wanted to take metal poles and beat them until they bruised black and started to cry.
But, just as in Shakespear's tragedies, it wasn't to be. That's right, we lost.
Interestingly enough, though, my team was able to tie Eagle, and hold that tie all through the first half. The second half started less promising, and didn't get any better. We lost with by a 4 point spread, but were glad for our labor.

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Easter:
Jesus, eggs, bunnies, chocolate, candy, pastels, blue, yellow, peeps, church.
Those are the first words that jump in my head.
Most Easters with the Mansfield family are spent doing hunts around the yard, dying eggs, and eating amazing meals (deviled eggs!) This weekend should prove to be no different, except that our good family friends from Arizona, the Bushes, are in town! They are hear not only to laugh and have fun with my family, but also to support us through this darkness.

Matthew 28 (Message)

^1-4 After the Sabbath, as the first light of the new week dawned, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to keep vigil at the tomb. Suddenly the earth reeled and rocked under their feet as God's angel came down from heaven, came right up to where they were standing. He rolled back the stone and then sat on it. Shafts of lightning blazed from him. His garments shimmered snow-white. The guards at the tomb were scared to death. They were so frightened, they couldn't move.

^5-6The angel spoke to the women: "There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as he said. Come and look at the place where he was placed.

⁷"Now, get on your way quickly and tell his disciples, 'He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there.' That's the message."

^8-10The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. "Good morning!" he said. They fell to their knees, embraced his feet, and worshiped him. Jesus said, "You're holding on to me for dear life! Don't be frightened like that. Go tell my brothers that they are to go to Galilee, and that I'll meet them there."

But isn't this what Easter's all about? Without delving too much into the cliche and predictable questions and answers, I really do believe that this time is all about Jesus. Pray for me as I seek to grow closer to him.

So where am I going with all this seemingly useless babble?

RELATIONSHIP

When I twitter, I am seeking to build relationship with others, whether I've met them or not. In lacrosse, not only am I building relationship with team members on the field, I've gotten chances to talk with them off of the field (today, riding home with one, I was able to talk about life, faith, and his and my journey through life up to this point). Finally, Jesus dying on the cross and raising on the third day allows me to fully have relationship with him in a very real way: without the bonds of sin and pain.

That's all :) Happy Easter!
Colin