Last week brought a joy and praise that is truly amazing.
This weekend has been hard for me.
I think the main thing I've gotten out of it all is this: what I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.
Let me back up a bit.
I've worked for Oasis Coffee Co. since October 2008, and I've loved every minute of it. My boss is a fantastic guy, the people I get to meet are awesome, and I've learned a new skill set that I've been able to apply elsewhere. I've learned valuable life lessons and established relationships with people that I wouldn't have even known otherwise.
And on Saturday, out of the blue, I was let go.
I didn't take it well. First came the sobbing as I got in my car. Then, I found myself getting out of my car on the way home and punching a wooden light post while screaming. Didn't enough happen last year? Why this? Why now? These questions, and many, many more were making their way through my head.
I find myself being angry at God.
Why does something shitty like this have to happen out of nowhere? Is this what You do to people? Where's the love? Where's the peace? Where's the grace? Where's all the cutesy "only one pair of footprints because You're carrying me" metaphors now? Talk back God! Where are You?You cringe, and I fume.
I had a great talk with my boss yesterday. We talked things over, and I understand why I was let go. I have nothing personal against him or the coffee shop. Some things simply weren't working out, and that's that. I'm extremely glad that I had the opportunity to work there and get so much out of it.
Then, I talked with my parents. Man, are they awesome. They both encouraged me, and my dad asked me what I can learn from this.
And now, after two days of processing, there's one main thing I take away from everything.
What I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.
Am I a 10 regardless of whether or not I have a job? Yes.
I really don't get Papa's timing. I have no clue where's He's going with all this; but this I do know: He knows. And I think that security, that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and that He is the Creator of all things, gives me enough hooah to continue. Several people have told me that God has incredible things in store for me.
I believe you, Papa.
And perhaps some of those great things will stem from the result of this announcement:
I've been accepted to the United States Military Academy at West Point!
I found out last week, and I am so excited. I've worked so hard for this, and I am so jazzed that it has payed off. More then my hard work, though, Papa's hand has been abundantly clear in the whole process.
When I first started asking God about my future and what college I should go to, I prayed something like this:
God, please open the doors for whatever it is you want me to do. If it's not what you want, I don't want a part of it.This last year, and these experiences lately, have really helped me shift my focus. I find myself praying something closer to this:
Papa, help this experience shape me to who you created me to be. If it's not going to draw us closer, I don't want a part of it.
For me, the difference between these two has been experiences that have hurt. The latter prayer is often prayed with far more questions and yelling, but I have found myself being more real with Papa then I ever was praying the former prayer.
This last week has been a serious bend in the road for me. The first step of many to come in the next 12 years (4 years college, 5 years military, 3 years inactive reserve) has been taken. And, an integral part of my life for the last year-and-a-half has come to a close.
Please join me in praying that the experiences to come bring me closer to Papa.