Rebirth, Renewal, Redemption

Moments ago I sat down to make a "Classic Christian" music playlist. I reached a certain song - Flood by Jars of Clay - and I was reminded of a post I wrote long ago. I made this post days after my brother Nate died in 2009. Jars of Clay resonated with me in a way few bands have during that time, and the post contains nothing more than pictures that I was using to relay where I was at emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. And I was stuck.

College has brought with it a host of things to wrestle with and questions to ask.

Am I good enough?
Do I fit in?
Can I succeed?
Will the future be bright?
Is God real?
Am I product of my environment growing up?
Is there a girl out there who is the One?
Is the Bible truth?
Do I have boundaries?

And I can tell you that most of those are unanswered. But as I sit here listening to a song that spoke to me years ago, I am reminded of the road I have traveled and the things I have learned along the way.

Recently I've developed an affinity towards the history of old, abandoned, broken buildings. Exploring them, researching them, taking pictures of them, sharing discoveries with others. Every building has a story as unique as the people that once walked its halls and slept in its rooms. There's something about them that reminds me of how fragile the world is. Titanics sink. Towers of Babel fall. There is a beginning and an end to everything. Seasons come, and seasons go.

The last year and half has been a season of doubt and insecurity. And that season, at long last, is coming to a close.

God is speaking into my life through his Word and my closest friends. I'm ready to step into the next season, and I'm ready to walk in His confidence and Love. I know now that this road is one not easily traveled. It's easy to mess up, get sidetracked, and do the wrong things. But I know who I am in Christ, and I know that I am forgiven.

I'm not as quick to judge the church anymore. I'm not as quick to think that I am somehow spiritually superior to my brothers and sisters in Christ. The truth is, I don't know much. And what I think I know, I question every day.

I've been stuck before. God was there then. God was there when Abraham messed up. He was there when David stumbled. He was there when man chose sin. He was there when Jesus hung on the cross. He's always been there, and He always will be.

A new season is upon me, and I'm so ready.

Colin

Real Relationship in 2011: I'm not looking for an "effective way to become closer to God."

An out of context picture of the Hudson from West Point

I suppose a "Happy New Years" is in order! This is the first real post I've done since winter break due to the usual suspects (including but not limited to a school, laziness, and distractions).

I've never really been into the whole "New Years Resolutions" thing. This year something hit me though. I've never really made my relationship with God a priority in my life. By that I really mean my relationship with Him has been more passive than active.

In my experience, an important part of cultivating a relationship is quality time with that individual. How am I going to get to know someone well without specifically making the time to be with that person? That's part of my focus for this upcoming year: to be with Papa. I want to spend time hearing what He has to say, and reading His words. I don't want to force something to the point that I feel guilty if I'm not engaged. I talk to my girlfriend everyday, whether it be by text message, email, facebook, or phone, not because I feel like I have to in order to grow our relationship, but because I simply want to talk to her and hear how she's doing.

I'm not sure exactly what all this is going to look like. I do know that my heart is to Love Papa and accept his Love.

Example of something I'm not looking for.

I'm not looking for an "effective way to become closer to God." Because really, what does that mean? Is there really a prescribed way to develop any relationship, let alone one with the Almighty? Are there really seven things I need to do in order to feel God's love in a tangible way?

I'd love some advice. Do you do a daily devotional? What works for you? What doesn't work? Does what I have to say challenge you at all?

Colin

Getting Controversial: I read my Bible because I feel guilty. Featuring: Being vs. Doing

I attend a Bible Study every Tuesday night here at West Point called OCF, Officer's Christian Fellowship. It's been great to get to know the people involved and make some new friends. I had a great time at the OCF retreat last month, getting away and spending some quality time with Papa was soul-nurturing.

OCF uses the Christian tried-and-true recipe for a Bible study: worship, announcements, short message, small groups. Quite frankly I'm cool with this, Jesus shows up regardless of the format, and that's what really matters.

Tonight the memory verse for this week came from the book of Joshua:

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Joshua 1:8

After the verse was read aloud, the speaker posed this question to think about during the week:

What should I be doing differently in my life or continue doing after reading this verse?

It got me thinking, in a big way.

(First of all, I'm referring to the question throughout this post, not the verse from Joshua. I believe the verse is a very Old Testament way of saying "you guys don't know how to live. Do it this way: it works." If you think I'm off-base in this thinking, let me know.)

These days, whenever I hear someone talk about "what should I/we/he/she be doing?" I immediately stop to asses what's being asked.

First, the question comes with an inherent sense of expectation. Not "what's the right thing?" but instead "what should?" The person asking has some sense that there's an expectation to be lived up to. There's an invisible point in the distance that they must reach, and this action should be a step towards that point.

Second, the question is all about action, rather then personal development. "What should I/we/he/she be doing?" There's no sense of personal change, rather just a change of action. It's almost as if the person asking is saying "surely there's some action I can participate in that will change me from the outside-in."

Clearly, I disagree with the premise of the question being asked. However, my disagreement and inner frustration reached a climax during small group time.

I really do like the small group I'm a part of. All of the guys are solid brothers in Christ, and I believe they are truly seeking after God. My small group leaders are both Firsties (translation: seniors) and have 100 other things to be doing on a Tuesday night during a Thayer Week (translation: week with a ton of tests and papers due). I admire them for showing up and leading our group week after week. Also, I admire the other plebes (translation: freshmen) who attend the group. I know I have at least 50 other things I could be doing, and so do they. They help push me continue coming every week.

So, that said, moving on to the frustrating part of the night.

Guilt really grinds my gears. I feel as though if I am doing something because someone has made me feel guilty if I do not do it, I'm probably doing it for the wrong reason. I believe guilt has its place - and it has kept me out of trouble more than once. I do not believe that its place is in manipulating people. Unfortunately, much of Christianity today relies on that second kind of guilt: the kind that really pisses me off.

An on-going challenge that my small group leaders push every week is for all of us to read our Bibles on a daily basis. I love this idea. I understand that reading God's word is important, and I know that not reading the Bible is not helpful to my walk with Christ. The leaders of my small group check us every week,
"Colin, how'd your time in the Word go this week?"
"Good! I spent time in James and got a lot out of it."
"Did you read every day?"
"Nope, I missed Thursday and Saturday"
"Oh...well you gotta get on that every day man."

And so it goes, every week. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for accountability for my actions. I appreciate the check up because it keeps it fresh in my head. Tonight however, one of my leaders said something that shocked me.

"Guys, if this keeps up we're gonna start some kind of competition where you do push ups if you didn't read, or something. I mean, we want you to succeed."

Here's the thing: I want to read Papa's words because I want to read them. If I'm reading them because I have to, because somebody else wants me to, or because I don't want to have to do push ups next Tuesday, I honestly don't really see the value in reading at all. I know this probably goes against the whole "the Bible never returns void" but I also know that a seed planted in fertile soil is going to give much more fruit then that planted in rocky soil.

My point is this: what's with the church guilting people into doing things that supposedly "grow our relationship with Christ?" If we are doing it to not feel guilty, then we're not really doing it to grow closer to Christ, are we? I have a theory: I don't think God's into the whole "actions first" thing. What if Papa was more interested in our hearts then with our hands?

You may not agree with everything I'm saying here: I'm sure there are plenty of verses that contradict my heresy. That said, I think we can all agree that manipulation through guilt is unhealthy. I'm not talking about choosing "the hard right over the easier wrong" (although, I'd love to do a post on that later). I'm talking about doing something because I feel like I have to, when the option is there to do that same thing out of personal desire for growth in my relationship with Christ. After all, it's the heart behind the action that matters, isn't it?

Hit me: where is my theology all jacked up?

Colin

Israel Day 2: Sea of Galilee

We're all really looking forward to today! We're stayin on Tiberius, off of the Sea of Galilee! We get to take a cruise on the sea, which should be awesome. Once again, I will be taking notes throughout the day, then posting them at the end of the day.
Here we go!

-Old Galilee Ship-
Our first stop, we went to a museum that was built for the purpose of displaying a 2000 year old Galilean ship! It was really cool to see something that was used in or around Jesus' time. Also, the gift shop was great!










-The Church of the Beatitudes and surrounding area-
Words I would use to describe The Church of the Beatitudes:

Serene
Peaceful
Green
Flowers
Palm Trees

We had a brief church service led by a team member. We read The Beatitudes, then talked about the area and church. Tim gave part of his testimony about coming to Israel, and many on our team cried. It is an amazing place to sit, think, process, write, and feel Papa's tangible love. It's amazing to be reading the Bible, then look around and see it come alive.

This is where Jesus walked, spoke, and healed. How cool is that?













-Caesarea Phillipi-
Well folks, it's official. We've been to the Gates of Hell. In Matthew 16 Jesus changes Simon's name to Peter, says that on this rock Jesus will build his church, then continues to say the Gates of Hell will not be able to stand against it. Many people don't realize that Jesus and Peter were in Caesarea Phillipi when this conversation went down, and that the "Gates of Hell" was the name of the temple of Pan, a pagan half man half goat god. It's said that the people who worshipped Pan did incredibly disgusting things with goats to show their devotion.



Here is where Jesus spoke about the foundations of our church and promised that the Gates of Hell could do nothing to hinder it. Today those "gates" are no more then ruins. And we, the people of the church Jesus spoke of, get to take pictures and read about these ruins.









-Lunch-
For lunch we ate at a Druze villiage and had a wonderful meal of falafal, flat bread, hummus, goat cheese, and more. Turkish style coffee topped off the meal with fresh baklava. Such an amazing meal.



-Capernaum-
After lunch we went to Capernaum! This is an incredibly beautiful area that holds Peter's house, and a beautiful semi-restored synagog! Although our visit here was short due to it almost being closing time when we got there, it was really cool to see the ruins and read about Capernaum while there.



-Sea of Galilee boat ride-
Many in our group had been looking forward to the boat ride with great anticipation. The Sea of Galilee is really a huge freshwater lake, and is crowned with green all around.
Our boat was fairly large. My dad, Dennis, did the teaching (members of our group have been teaching in each spot of interest.) He really shared his heart and was real; it's awesome to see our geoup's bonds growing stronger.
The sunset on the boat was beautiful!
The ride lasted about 40 minutes, and ended with the ship driver/DJ playing worship music. It was so cool, and slightly surreal, to worship on the Sea of Galilee while watching the sun go down.









Tonight Shalom, Sara, Hannah, and I are hitting the town!

Amazing day, so incredible to see the sight Galilee has to offer.

Colin

Israel Travel Notes: Day 1

Hey everyone! Seperate from actual posts, I'm going to be recording some travel notes while in Israel throughout each day. These will be posted at the end of every day.

-Caesaria by the Sea-
Wow! Our first stop today, Caesaria is amazing. Right on the coast, it has a beatiful collection of Roman sculptures; you can kind of get the feeling of what Paul must have felt like while imprisoned there. We watched a movie about Caesaria through the ages- it's crazy to think it played a roll not only on Jesus' time, but also all through the Byzentine and Crusader eras. Crazy stuff!












Sara, Shalom, and Hannah are having a great time (also, as you can see, we brought Kiah along!) We're laughing alot and it's awesome to think we get to just hang out in Israel.
Now we're headed to Mt. Carmel (think Elijah and prophets of Baal.)

-Mt. Carmel-
Listening to our guide tell the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal was amazing; realizing this is where it actually happened was even more amazing! Shalom and I listened to Elijah by For Today while looking at the valley where it happened. Brings a whole new aspect to "I CALL DOWN FIRE!"
Amazing.







Lunch time! Falafel pitas! Mmmm...



-Meggido-
How amazing! Meggido is unique in that it brings the past (Judges) together with the future (Revelation). To think this is the place where the battle of Armeggedon will take place is both fascinating and gives a feeling of forboding. We got to walk down a huge staircase to a spring that was used during the time of King Ahab, and we actually got to see the spring!






-Hotel in Tiberius-
We're staying in Tiberius off of the Sea of Galilee tonight and tomorrow! Tomorrow is a Galilee boat ride among other things.
Also, sorry for the lack of pictures of Hannah and Bart! I promise I'll try to get more tomorrow!

Until then!
Colin

Happy New Decade!

On the eve of New Years, 2009:

I was eight years old when the big 2000 came around. At the prompting of my parents, I can faintly remember what I was doing that night the ball dropped, and everyone held their breaths waiting for computers to fail.
Throughout the last 10 years, I've counted ahead to the year of my graduation.
"2010! Wow, how far away that is!"

The last 10 years have brought new friends, and birthed deeper friendships with those I've had since before I can remember. I've had killer birthday parties, bummer moments, and many great opportunities.
Thinking back (as far as I can remember) into the last decade, one thing sticks out in my head above the rest.
I've learned to love music.

Growing up, I never understood the point of music. Sure, I was that kid that knew all the oldie songs (thanks to my dad) and could sing "Yellow Submarine" or "Brown Eyed Girl" until something else, just as annoying or catchy, popped into my head.
I didn't get the core of music. Part of that probably was due to mere immaturity.

Regardless, I owe my love of music to Lee and Justin Gaupp. They showed me the heart of hardcore, the love behind lyrics, and the symbolism of symphony. Their ever-increasing taste for tunes inspired me to develop a music palette of my own, and it has since grown to include artists from nearly every genre.

Much has happened in my life since that realization. I've grown, and grieved. I've loved, and laughed.
Through everything, however, one band has remained close to my heart. Because of their lyrics? Partially. Because of their amazing performances? Incompletely. Because of their heart? Now we're talking.






From Wikipedia:

The band's name is an acronym for "Multi-sensory Aesthetic Experience,"

From their website:

Multi-Sensory Aesthetic Experience
is the study of sensation, perception,
emotion, and meaning in art and music.

Mae started in 2001, released their first album, Destination: Beautiful, in 2003 through Tooth and Nail Records, and have since released a total of six albums- with a seventh on the way, and have taken up the weight of a label all their own, called Cell Records. Their goal is to connect with people, and to do so through all of the senses. Their concerts are an amazing ensemble of music and video synced together to form not only an entertaining show, but an experience that will stick in your mind, make you think, and touch your heart. They are a concrete mix of lighter Alternative Rock to solid Rock.
To me, Mae is about more then music, they're about life. I've listened to them during the most depressing days, and during the brightest moments. When I hear a song, it's more than music. It's experiences, individual moments, and memories laced together with the needle and thread of harmony. I can see my past behind me, and I get a glimpse of the future before me. And, most important of all, it helps give me context for where I am now. This year, especially, their albums (m)orning and (a)fternoon have hit me right where I'm at. Life is a journey. I am in process. And Love is the most important thing to hold on to.

Perhaps one of their shirts says it best:

This decade has brought a smile to my face, and tears to my eyes, as has Mae. This decade has helped me realize that growing up is more then watching the years go by. Mae has given me a soundtrack for that realization.

I think that we've got what it takes, to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.

May this next decade be prosperous and incredibly real for you. May you grow, change, and draw near to Papa.

Colin






If it interests you, check out what Mae is doing now. Give them a listen. Particularly, go buy The Everglow, followed by (m)orning.

Thoughts on Sunday

When I think of Sunday, a few things come to mind.
First, naturally, church.
Second, hanging out with my family. Normally this is breakfast after church, talking over the week's events, and laughing alot.
Third, relaxing. A great Sunday, in my mind, consists of sweatpants, dinosaur slippers, a good book or laptop, and (in the colder months) a fire roaring nearby.

Isn't it interesting that the first thing that I think of is church? The American culture has almost sold church as a "must do." It's like, if you want to feel good the rest of the week, you should go to church. Get your god face on, sing a bit, space out, then head home to kick back and let the good times roll.
Obviously something is wrong with this picture.

Some would argue that church itself is the issue. Atheists may say that church attempts to copy that community which families naturally share together already. This artificial ecosystem, they might say, only breeds a gross copy of the original.
On the other side of the spectrum, Jesus-loving Christians might say that the real problem with church is that the building is often filled with fake, mask-wearing, judgmental people. For a church to work, they might say, people must realize that the church building isn't really the Church. Some might even say that church is entirely unnecessary for the Church to exist.

I'm being real here: I really am not 100% sure where I lie in this spectrum of opinion. I would love to say that I know where I stand, what I believe, and that I have the Bible verses to prove it. But I don't.
I'm in process.

What I know (or think I know):
I know I'm not an atheist. I know that many people find value in even the most dysfunctional of churches. I know there are people who feel closer to God in the most religious of buildings, and really can't focus with roaring guitars and a huge sanctuary with overhead screens. I'm close to people who have stepped away from "church" altogether, in order that they might embrace BEING the Church. I see value in that as well.

I know that I don't like feeling like I should go to church on Sunday. On the other hand, I know that the things I don't want to do can be those that produce the most value. I understand that obligation does not breed love, but I'm not sure if love can breed obligation. I know hierarchy is the natural human response to disorder, but I also know that the Holy Spirit can reveal herself like the most wild, disorderly thing there is. I also know I probably offended someone by calling the Holy Spirit a her.

What are your thoughts?

So much to think about, so little time to process.
Well, for now, I will enjoy my Sunday.

Here, have some Calvin and Hobbes:


Colin

Re Blog: Church Alumni

This post is taken from Captain's Blog. View the original post here.

Last week I was interviewed by Recycle {Your Faith} ministry about my current story and thoughts on corporate church. An hour and a half session was clipped into three minutes. Oh my! It is scary to put your thoughts down on tape knowing that someone could edit your comments to make you look other than what is in your heart to share. I'm glad I trusted Craig. I think he did a great job with a dicey topic and an amateur interviewee.

Recycle {Your Faith} produces short videos that are designed to be shown at small groups to introduce topics for discussion. I wonder what dialog will come out of this!

Click here to see the video Craig titled, "Church Alumni."

Rescuing the Damsel in Distress

What has become of my generation?

Guys treating ladies like trash, girls showing themselves off like trophies to be won. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I take one class at a public high school. Walking down the halls on any given day, I'm astounded at what I see. Gentleman! What kind of monsters have we become? Ladies! Where did the innocence go? The insecurity flows like an ocean tide, filling up the entire building until all that is left and felt is a current of emotions, chief of which is lust.

Oh man! My heart just weeps! So many girls without fathers, without someone who has actually loved them in their life. Looking for a guy to fill them up and make them feel wanted. A guy to just hold them and accept them for who they are. A guy to hold their hand, loan them their sweatshirt, kiss them on the nose. These girls, looking for a love to just BE with them instead get-

Guys! You make me ashamed to walk in the midst of a crowd of females at a school. Where did the expectations of being a "tough guy" come from? Where did the arrogance and fake self-assurance come from? You think you're so cool? You think you're so tough? Try being a gentleman, even for a second. You go to parties, drink, do drugs-all just to show off how cool you are. Try taking the harder road for even one day!

Honestly, I'm pretty disgusted at this whole Twilight thing. It's not the books that kill me. It's not the storyline or the characters or the premise. I get the whole vampire thing. I even get making that in to a romantic story. Here's what I don't get: WHY DOES OUR SOCIETY INSIST ON FOCUSING ON INSECURITY? Can't you see? Don't you understand? Are you so blinded?

JESUS LOVES YOU!!!

Girl's, you don't need to be filled with a guy. You don't need a boyfriend. You need Papa's love. And He is so here to give it to you.

Guys, you don't need to filled up by chicks, porn, or partying. Papa loves you the way He made you: a warrior and lover for Him.


We are the Damsel in Distress, and God is our rescuer. We are the bride, and He is the Bridegroom. God loves us, cares for us, seeks us, woos us, fights for us, defends us. He is here for us in EVERY fashion and in EVERY conceivable way.

I'm speaking to my generation.
Papa loves us so much. He hugs us in His warmth and joy, and has created us to love each other. Why do you resist such great love? Why do you try to find this love in the wrong way? It's all right here, right in front of us.
God is rescuing us, the Damsel.

But then again, who am I to talk? Who am I to judge? I'm just as sick as the rest of my generation- hypocritical, distracted, and seeking the Love of the Creator. Jesus, would you heal my heart?

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Let those words of the Psalmist ring true in my life.

Papa! Hear the cry of my heart! Don't you see what my generation is going through? Don't you see the broken households, the unloved, the depressed? Lord, save us. But, even more importantly, Love us; for what is salvation without Your Love?


A groan from the heart of Colin

We interrupt this silence to bring you a brief blog post...

I've found time to steal away from school and work to kick back and do a late-night blog post! And there was great rejoicing! (yaaaayyy...)

Many thoughts have been running through my head as of late. Chief of these are about God, love, life, and meaning. I could do a million posts about each of those subjects, and if I were to tweet those posts and get a dollar for ever tweet, I'd have enough money to pay off our national debt! See how I snuck a political statement into that? Yeah, it just happened.

Anyways, an interesting story that sticks out to me actually happened today at dinner. Normally I eat with my family at the dinner table (my mom is an amazing cook so that also normally works out to my benefit.) Today, however, my parents were out at a thank-you dinner event. I was stuck at home due to homework, but at about 6:00 my stomach told me homework could wait- it was time for food.
So where does a 17 year old guy go to eat dinner alone? Apparently Panda Express. After getting my three entree plate of Kung Pao Chicken, Orange Chicken, (both are staples of Panda for me) the new Sweet Fire Chicken Breast, as well as a Dr. Pepper to compliment, I grabbed a seat in Panda's roomy yet post-dinner-rush-empty front dining room. And I ate.
It's been some time since I've eaten alone. In fact, after thinking about it, I can probably count all the alone-eating I've done in my life on one hand. As I sat there eating, I actually got bored. I entertained myself by people watching, but this too grew old over the course of my meal. So I turned inside myself and pondered this new development: eating alone. I realized it was talking I was missing; the stimulant of a good conversation at dinner. I missed my dad's dinner jokes and my mom's deep questions. The food began turning to ash in my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I love Panda, but Panda without company is like eating cookie dough made with salmonella infested eggs and rotten milk.
This eating alone made me feel so so so sorry for singles everywhere who get stuck alone at their dinner table with a bag or raman and their cats every night.

What on earth am I getting at? My little lonely-eating venture showed me one important thing: human beings are creatures of community. Even the most introverted of us need the council of a friend and the arm of a brother to help us when we slip. Loneliness in the world creeps out of the crevices that form between friends that haven't talked or hung out. The lack of love between people produces depression and the isolation of even the most hard prisoners drives them to the brink of insanity, then gives a light push. Human beings desire more then to simply cluster, collect honey, and protect their queen. We desire to be in relationship with each other; to love and to be loved.

That's where the Great Romance comes in, isn't it? It's the greatest way we can conceptualize Papa's love for us. It's one of the only ways we can put it into words. To simply say God loves me isn't enough, is it? To just say Jesus died on the cross for my sins is such an understatement, don't you think? It's as if this world craves love, but understates the Source of that Love to the point of making religion instead of relationship.

What would it look like to bask in the love of Papa? What would it look like to walk in peace and assurance? What would it look like to experience the Great Romance in my day-to-day life? What would it be like to never eat alone again?

Colin

Men at the Cross

At the Men at the Cross event in Nampa. POWERFUL beginning night. Michael W. Smith, Joe White. Papa is here too, wrapping many hurt men in His arms. The Ground is Shaking, people are being real. 1800 men crying is a sight to behold.
Follow along at http://Twitter.com/ColinMansfield
If you're a tweep already, search for the hashtag #MATC and follow in real time.

Finally, get another view from http://DennisMansfield.com my dad's blog.

Colin

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Connecting Beauty, Music, and 500 days

A while ago I wrote about some of the closest people I am connected with. I want to expand on that a little bit, but in a different way.

Beauty has a way of grabbing my attention. A recent memory that sticks out in my mind happened just a few weeks ago. I was driving home to Idaho from California. My dad was asleep in the back (he had been the main pilot all morning) and I had taken over the wheel in his stead. In the passenger seat sat my girlfriend, Kona. We kept each other entertained by playing various types of music and having even more various conversations. At one point in our discussions I looked over to my left for a split second. What I saw completely and utterly consumed me. A small mountain stood about 4 football fields away, and above this mountain were broken clouds; like shattered glass the sun peaked through and was reflected off of the clouds onto the face of the mountain resulting in one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. My attention was completely taken over by this magnificent light show. Coupled with the most amazing girl in the world sitting by me and talking, this memory sticks out in my brain as being one of sheer beauty. Beauty has a way of grabbing my attention.

So does music. My favorite songs are ones which can only be described as epic. Two bands which write epics extremely well, in my opinion, are Anberlin and Mae. I'm gonna talk about Mae, but please do look up Fin and Miserable Visu by Anberlin.
One of my favorite songs by Mae is called "The Fisherman's Song". To me it so accurately portrays the heart of the writer, and I love the message. On top of that, the lyrics are written in story form which help me connect immensely. Listen here.
I am an incredibly visual person, and yet I couldn't imagine life without music. As I write this I'm listening to my "Sit Down and Relax" playlist on Pandora. I've found it a great way to connect with myself today.

I was apprehensive about going to see "500 Days of Summer" with my parents and our close friends tonight. I didn't really know what to expect, but I figured a free movie is always worth it. I suppose I was right. That being said, I would gladly pay extra to see this masterpiece. It really connected with where my mind has been the last few weeks; connections.

People. Music. Situations. Friends. Jobs. Movies. Life.

Thinking about all the connections baffles me. It's not really a matter of fate or predestination to me (the way I figure it, God knows everything no matter what I believe.) Really, to me what it comes down to is whether or not I want to acknowledge the connections. Fate? Chance? Phooey. If life were a slot machine I would hate to pull that lever. It's like people are totally willing to acknowledge all the Cherries or BARS lining up perfectly but refuse to instead see the beautiful constelation of life that all our intercrossing lines make.
Life is actually a whole lot safer to look at as a slot machine. Pull the lever; you win some, you lose some. Often it's a whole lot harder to take those losses as building blocks, or at the very least see that they've made me who I am today.

500 Days of Summer emphasized this point for me. No matter what I tell myself, life really holds no accidents. The movie is artsy, beautiful, saddening, vulgar (at times), and flat-out well written. Unlike many chick flicks, this story follows the guy. Also unlike many chick flicks, it holds no happy Hollywood ending. The trailer boasts "this is a story of boy meets girl," and also includes "you should know upfront, that this is not a love story." That's why I don't believe 500 Days of Summer is a chick flick at all. It's too big for that label. It's an epic.


But don't take my word for it. Watch the trailer. Then, go watch the movie.


Colin