He calls.

It's a battle of our minds and our actions
Not mindful of foregone reactions
The third law applies to science and defiance
Reliance on ourselves, compliance with the smells, the looks, the feels, the appeals that steal our love.
Lowercase "L" because it less applies to Heaven than it does to Hell.
The pastors who preach and the fathers who teach fall back on a common speech:
Moderation in everything.
But, of course, this falls on deaf ears and these words tend to turn to fears to the millions of prodigals who drink tainted water that isn't even close to potable
it's poison - filled with sin
and delicious, a dish of burned out wishes for a people with torn out stitches
which once closed their wounded pride but now gush streams of rebelliousness and selfishness.
And I'm done going with that flow.
It's an undertow.
A current of so-called fun that leaves me feeling less alive and more like my feet have kicked the box I've stood on, leaving my body hung on the tree of iniquity.
He cuts that cord.
He fills that void with Love.
Capital "L" - the kind that drives you up to a mountain to yell of His graces and mercies
Flowing around and through, blowing in a hurricane of utter silence and peace - the kind only achieved when a blinded soul has been released.
Freedom is one thing. But I gladly shackle myself to this Love.
A bond servant of Christ, it won't always be sugar, spice, and everything nice.
It's much, much better.
Like when you open up that long overdue letter.
He turns "better" to "best" and lest you think that's all
He's already taken the fall.
He's destroyed every wall.
And from every corner of every long-lost soul,
He calls.

A bend in the road

Last week brought a joy and praise that is truly amazing.
This weekend has been hard for me.

I think the main thing I've gotten out of it all is this: what I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.

Let me back up a bit.

I've worked for Oasis Coffee Co. since October 2008, and I've loved every minute of it. My boss is a fantastic guy, the people I get to meet are awesome, and I've learned a new skill set that I've been able to apply elsewhere. I've learned valuable life lessons and established relationships with people that I wouldn't have even known otherwise.

And on Saturday, out of the blue, I was let go.

I didn't take it well. First came the sobbing as I got in my car. Then, I found myself getting out of my car on the way home and punching a wooden light post while screaming. Didn't enough happen last year? Why this? Why now? These questions, and many, many more were making their way through my head.

I find myself being angry at God.

Why does something shitty like this have to happen out of nowhere? Is this what You do to people? Where's the love? Where's the peace? Where's the grace? Where's all the cutesy "only one pair of footprints because You're carrying me" metaphors now? Talk back God! Where are You?

You cringe, and I fume.


I had a great talk with my boss yesterday. We talked things over, and I understand why I was let go. I have nothing personal against him or the coffee shop. Some things simply weren't working out, and that's that. I'm extremely glad that I had the opportunity to work there and get so much out of it.

Then, I talked with my parents. Man, are they awesome. They both encouraged me, and my dad asked me what I can learn from this.

And now, after two days of processing, there's one main thing I take away from everything.
What I do really doesn't matter. God cares everything about who I am.
Am I a 10 regardless of whether or not I have a job? Yes.

I really don't get Papa's timing. I have no clue where's He's going with all this; but this I do know: He knows. And I think that security, that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and that He is the Creator of all things, gives me enough hooah to continue. Several people have told me that God has incredible things in store for me.
I believe you, Papa.

And perhaps some of those great things will stem from the result of this announcement:

I've been accepted to the United States Military Academy at West Point!
I found out last week, and I am so excited. I've worked so hard for this, and I am so jazzed that it has payed off. More then my hard work, though, Papa's hand has been abundantly clear in the whole process.
When I first started asking God about my future and what college I should go to, I prayed something like this:

God, please open the doors for whatever it is you want me to do. If it's not what you want, I don't want a part of it.

This last year, and these experiences lately, have really helped me shift my focus. I find myself praying something closer to this:

Papa, help this experience shape me to who you created me to be. If it's not going to draw us closer, I don't want a part of it.

For me, the difference between these two has been experiences that have hurt. The latter prayer is often prayed with far more questions and yelling, but I have found myself being more real with Papa then I ever was praying the former prayer.

This last week has been a serious bend in the road for me. The first step of many to come in the next 12 years (4 years college, 5 years military, 3 years inactive reserve) has been taken. And, an integral part of my life for the last year-and-a-half has come to a close.

Please join me in praying that the experiences to come bring me closer to Papa.

Colin

Christmas and a New Season

Merry Christmas!
Or day after Christmas, I suppose.

I really wanted to do some kind of Holiday post about good cheer, cookies, Santa, and presents. Every time I'd try to clear my thoughts and whip out my blogging device, however, I'd draw a blank. No accidents, I figured, and I let my dad hold down the blogging fort.

And now, Christmas has left the plate and New Years is up to bat.

I'm currently in the back of my parents Saturn Vue on the I-15 headed South to Salt Lake City, then on through Vegas. My dad and mom are talking in the front, and I've got my headphones, laptop, and Internet card in the back seat. Our ultimate destination is Palm Springs, California for some extended family visiting.
And I think I'm ready to write a bit about my mixed feelings this Holiday season.


This year has been painful, no doubt. I've written about it plenty before. Thanksgiving proved especially difficult, because, well, it's hard to to give thanks when there's not much to be thankful for. Then again, it really did put in perspective what I do have to be thankful for. You can read about that here.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, no doubt. I love everything that goes with it: decorating my family Christmas tree, setting up the little village on our chimney, putting up the lights with my dad, drinking my mom's delicious homemade egg nog, enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book by the fireplace, and most of all: Christmas morning. I love waking up to the presents, hugging my parents and whispering "Merry Christmas." The stockings are always opened first in my house: we each open our stocking at the same time, pausing every few gifts to look at each other's winnings. After stockings, my mom generally has some kind of small breakfast cooked up. This year it was cinnamon rolls, and man did they taste good with the coffee she brewed up. The presents came next, and because I'm the youngest, I got to hand them all out. This year my cousin Dannie came and opened presents with my family; she was an awesome addition. Every year I pass out a present to each person, and we take turns opening in some kind of orderly fashion. This particular year we did oldest to youngest. Every present is appreciated, and none are taken for granted. We hug each other and laugh plenty.

My family has traditions built around relationship and love.

And this year, one of the stockings remained hanging above the fireplace. Empty.

Papa, what are you doing?

My family made the decision this year, at the prompting of my sister, to remember my brother for who he was in his entirety. Now this may sound all fine and dandy to you, but you probably didn't know my brother. There is a lot of hurt in my family from things he said, things he did, and tension he caused. For my sister, the bad memories outweigh the good. For me, some of the earliest memories of my brother are of him lying, deceiving, and yelling at my parents. For my parents, they raised a fun-loving beautiful boy who turned into a drug-addict trouble producing man.
It's really easy to Saintify someone when they die. It's a lot harder to acknowledge who they were in their entirety.

But something that's hit home for me this year is that, in the grand scheme of things, what I DO really holds little worth. If I could DO my way into Heaven, there would have been no reason for Baby Jesus to make his manger appearance.
What I'm beginning to see now is that the coin has two sides.

How often do I find myself holding on to my actions as if they are what defines me? In reality, who I am in Christ is all that really holds weight.
For my brother, his actions would have sent him to Hell. Who he was in Christ made all the difference, eternally.


Looking over at that empty stocking on Christmas morning was not easy. Neither was sitting around the table saying a bad memory I had about my brother.
For all of his imperfections, and everything he DID that was awful, the person who he WAS, was amazing. And, as the case could certainly be made, the person he IS, is even more incredible.
Christmas was hard, but it was good.

And now, it's about time to celebrate the onset of 2010. For me, next year will hold all kinds of changes, not the least of which is the transition for High School to College. And something I've learned from this year is that no matter what I do, what happens to me, and what changes I go through, God is the same. Yesterday, today, and forever baby. He's where it's at: the Alpha and the Omega. He's Love, and He loves me. Insecurity and fear begone, Jesus dwells in my heart, life. Next year is going to be incredible not because of what I do, but who I am in Him.

I hope you had a fantastic Christmas, and that your New Year's Celebration is full of fun!

Colin

Alone

The Great Romance

So God created us in His image, and He is love.

We are created in the image of Love.

God created us for relationship; with Him first, then with each other.

How does this romance work?

Men naturally will defend women, without thinking.

In the Bible, we are likened to the bride, and Christ to the bridegroom seeking after his bride.

Just as men will naturally protect and care for women, God will naturally protect and care for us.

And with danger looming, how much more?

What would happen if everything we look at: the trees, our jobs, board meetings, donuts, our spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend, related to this Great Romance?

Not like all connected, but all depending.

What would happen if we're not just affected by God's Love, but we depend on It?

The closer we draw to Him, into the arms of our Papa, the further we get from darkness, hurt, fear, and pain.

Papa, draw me close.

Colin

A new day dawns

Everything is dark, silent. Mist and fog cover any source of illumination. Shadows fall on shadows, and all color is kept at bay. A breeze blows, and one is reminded of times when that same breeze wrapped and played with their hair on a spring day...but no more. Now this wind is frost biting and gnaws at exposed flesh. Forced to pull their layered coats and jackets closer to their body, one ponders how and why they got there. It's as though the darkness came on its own accord, uninvited, unexpected, unbelieved.
Then, something happens. The horizon sparkles, and some gray turns to orange. All of a sudden, mist is burned up, and fog melts away. A warm beam of light makes its way to the shivering body, while also in hot pursuit of that quickly fleeing icy breeze. Jackets are shed, flip flops are put on, and frowns are turned upside down. What is this welcome visitor that brings back the chirping of birds?

A new day.



In many ways I feel like this summer has in some way or another birthed a new day in my life. I'm not sure exactly how to form this feeling into words, but I'll do my best.
These last months have proven to be the hardest in my life. Grief and pain are not enemies to be underestimated. The deaths of my brother and my grandma sent me in a tailspin, one which I am still only barely coming out of.
I write today not to say that I am "back to normal" or that I've "dealt with everything." Rather, I write because I believe I have begun to change.

I'm ready for my senior year. I'm ready to make the most out of my last year in High School. But more then ready, I'm pumped. I feel like I'm on an edge, on a precipice, of something much much larger: and it excites me.
I also feel like the contrast of these last months of darkness and death, and this new chapter of my life is what makes me excited. I appreciate the light so much more after being in darkness.
Not to say I don't have my dark days, my dark times. Those are still frequent. But just glimpses of light are enough to make me excited, and it's great!

So, after a summer of West Point, Spain, France, Italy, and California, I'm so ready to appreciate the light of my senior year. Please pray with me as I go into this year locked and loaded.
What's next Papa?

Until then, I'm enjoying my last month of summer!

Colin

What darkness means

CNN, MSNBC, and Time have all confirmed that Michael Jackson has been pronounced dead. Such a sad day...

Some twitter quotes:

@JesusNeedsNewPR "Gen X's "Elvis" is dead..."

@Jackalopekid "The news today should remind everyone that life is short and that none of us are invincible"

My heart breaks for the Jackson family, and my prayers go out to them. What a painful time. Words cannot express the amount of grief they must be going through.

Just three months ago my family was in a similar position the Jacksons are now in. Again, my prayers go out. Grief is the opposite of what God intended- pain was never his plan.

Great talent has been lost today. I'm saddened.

Let God's love shine through this madness
Colin

On the road Part 2

Alot has happened since my last post. I've covered much of it on twitter (http://twitter.com/ColinMansfield) also, my dad has blogged from his heart during this entire trip (http://DennisMansfield.com)

The biggest epiphany for me on this section of my and my family's journey was revealed through what I talked about as I wrote on my blog on the way to California: being.
I found it incredibly easy to just sit back, relax, and yes, cry with my family as we mourned this unbelievable loss.

That's the coolest thing: family! Living away from my relatives has given me a somewhat warped sense of what family is. These last couple months, seeing more family then I've seen in years, however, has really shown me what family means.

Now, Im headed to SLC to connect up with my friend Justin and his dad to see Mae live. Looking forward to a great time after such tragedy and emotion.

Track my journey on twitter, if you're interested.
Thanks for all your prayer, support, and love during this crazy and hard time!

Colin

-- Posted from my iPhone --

On the road

Doing alot of thinking as my dad, Mark Smit and I make our way to So Cal. Mark Smit is my brother's beat friend, and he spoke at the funeral. It's hard to believe my family has to do this all over again.

I was asked to speak at my Grandma's service on thurs. morning, and I know it's going to be difficult. I'm not sure what I'm gonna say, or how I'm gonna say it, but I trust the words will come.

Something I've been thinking about lately is just BEING. I've written about this concept before, but it has never been so real to me as it is now.
I don't consider myself a control freak, but it's very interesting how I automatically freak out as soon as all control is taken away. What I mean is that I'm fine with change, so long as nothing hugely unexpected happens.
And let me tell you, these last two month have been HUGELY unexpected. So how do I react? Well, as I see it, I have essentially two options. I can (1) get angry, reserved, introspective, and frustrated at life and God, or I can (2) BE. Realize that I truly have no idea what's going on, but live in the knowledge that He does. The latter, although much better sounding, is a million times harder realistically speaking. It's one thing to say it, quite another to BE in it.

But I believe the first step is that one word; that two letter, one syllable, multiple meaning word that is overused but hardly ever "acted" upon.

BE

Colin

-- Posted from my iPhone --

From one Darkness to the next

I guess I'm not really sure how to react, what to say. Why is darkness so prevalent in this world?
Tonight my family found out that my wonderful and beautiful grandma, Wanda McKay, the woman who gave birth to my mother, passed away at around 9pm.
An amazing woman of God, a loving mother and grandma, a puzzle-solver of the highest degree, a master quilter, a healthy person, one with a beautiful disposition, and the type of person you can't help but love; these all describe aspects of my grandma.

The question that remains in my mind, 'why?' continues to be unanswered. I don't get it, I don't understand how God's plan works.
In these next days and weeks I expect to go through phases of both sorrow and anger; mostly because I've experienced both tonight already.

Jesus, I'm trusting you. Please give Nate and Grandma big hugs for me.

Colin
Please also read what my dad had to say: http://DennisMansfield.com


-- Posted from my iPhone --

A dark digression

I turn on the TV, read the paper, open up my browser, sort through Newsweek, go to the bookstore, drive through McDonalds, walk into the grocery store, drive past a school, open my eyes, and what do I see?
Fear, corruption, greed, anger, bloodshed, tyranny, religion, murder, piracy, and narcisism. It's as if the world cries out to be fed evil, and is given more than it's share.

Even as I sit at my work typing this and pondering, I can feel the pressure around me. The air is thick with all antithesis of good and whole. Purity is abstract and impossible, while filth claims its thrown. Sheets of white and purple are exchanged for filth that once resembles rags. Even the sky, in its vastness, reflects the shades of gray the world has to offer.
All attempts of humans to bring some kind of sanity and focus to this globe of ash are left in the dust. Famous artists are revealed to be sexual deviants, and stirring orators show their true colors with adultery.
Is there hope? Is peace simply a word used to justify means to an end?

What if pessimists were truly closer to being 'realists' then anyone would like to admit? What if you were to pull away the scales of our 'leaders' only to find corrupt politicians drowning in their own bile and fecal matter? And what if this great Tower-of-Babel-world we have created were to topple on top of us, crushing all signs of love and life from our body, leaving only corpses to rot and decay as the merciless sub glares down.


Then again, what if there is hope?

But, I digress.
Colin

God is

Two weeks after my brother's funeral, a few students, me included, were asked by my devotions teacher to "share who we think God is." Each took their turn saying how they've experienced God. Explanations ranged from The Great Healer to The Great Condemner.

While I was sitting there thinking, I realized that the way I view God is through the grid of the circumstances I've recently had hit me, the biggest of which is the death of my brother. I realized that who I see God as is very different now then it was two months ago.
Allow me to explain.

When it came my turn, I walked up to the front, and held the mic in front of me. As I stood there, I searched for some deep metaphor. None coming to mind, I grabbed the first thing that came into my mind. Having watched more than my fair share of action movies the week before (Spring break- I got my wisdom teeth out that monday) my thoughts automatically drifted to trench coats, slow motion bullets, angled sunglasses, and cookies.

How many of you have seen The Matrix?

Hands shot up

Remember the scene with The Oracle?

Nods
I see God as her. Neo walks in expecting some huge Staff-wielding All-knowing goddess and gets a black woman in a kitchen baking cookies.

I got some laughs, some blank stairs (turns out, some consider R ratings to actually be meant for 17 and older) I continued:

I think I see God differently because of where I'm at. Not that God has ever changed, he stays the same. I feel like I'm looking at a beautiful gem stone held stationary. As I move, I'm able to see different facets of that gem, how the light works through it differently, and how beautiful it truly is.

There the metaphor was

There's probably a better way to explain it, but that's all I got right now.

So there it was. God's a black cookie-baking woman.
Funny thing is, if you've read The Shack (a friend's review), this may not be far from how you now imagine God.


I've done loads and loads of sporadic processing these last weeks. I've experienced God in ways I never would have thought. Relationship means so much more to me now. I hug my friends and family harder, and say the word "love" more often. I hold my girlfriends hand with a sense of purpose, not because of some flimsy moment of emotion. When I hold conversations with people and they ask "So, how are you doing?" I answer honestly. Sometimes, I have to stop and asses, asking myself "how are you really doing, Colin?" I find myself being more real. Things like swearing, and wasting time have become less and less tempting. I find myself even thinking through friends I want to hang around more, and friends I should hang around less.
And I believe this is because of God.

1 John 4: 7-10 (message)

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

God is love. Not just 'God loves us' or 'God is similar to love' or 'God really likes love'. GOD IS LOVE.

Back to my earlier story:
After we each told our various 'views of God' my devotions teacher came back to the front. After showing a youtube video (I may put it on here eventually if I can find it) she shared who she thought God was. The things she shared made me angry.
She said God makes us stop things we are doing because he wants the best for us. She seemed to compare him to the Almighty Parent. She implied a God that uses strong correction because it 'builds character' or 'leaves us better off'. The image of God slapping my hand telling me 'NO!' came into my head. I shuddered.

Devotions that day sent me reeling. Something I didn't realize until after I was done venting was that this teacher was operating out of her own circumstances in her life. Her own pain, if you will. The way she saw God was a direct representation of where her life was at.
That got me thinking, isn't that how all of us are? Isn't that how I am? I see things through the grid of my pain.
And yet, God is love.

I've recently decided to re-read The Shack. I found it incredibly thought provoking and intriguing the first read around. This time, however, it's hitting my core. I find tears running down my face as I read the words. My soulstrings get tugged, and my vision blurs.
I am in process.

God is love. Because of that, everything he does is out of love. His love is so profound that he lets me choose what I wish to do. No expectations, and no forcing a choice. If I choose to turn my back on him, he loves me. If I choose to run to him, arms open, he loves me. Fear of God? No! Respect? Yes! But what is respect? Respect is a direct cause of love. I love you, therefor I respect you. It all comes back to love. And not the squishy, man-made, wannabe love: love in it's purest form. The type of love I can't begin to fathom.

I'm sure you'll start to notice slight changes in my posts. What I'm seeing in myself is a shift. God is changing me moment by moment, day by day. I believe the pain I've been experiencing plays largely into this shift, and I'm ok with that. Just as a precaution: you may not be ok with that. Some things I may say in posts to follow you may not agree with. If not, feel free to speak up. I'm ok with being challanged, so long as you can acknowledge my position. Realize that I am in process, as are you. The great thing is that iron truly can sharpen iron.

I love you Papa

Colin

The calm after the storm

These last couple days were very, very relaxing. Movies were watched, conversations had, and processing took place.
A couple things I've realized and clarified through this grieving process:

• I process by talking. Going off and walking by myself may help me focus my thoughts, much like a dog chasing his tail is able to clearly see his tail. All the same, I run in circles. I find myself processing the most when I hold conversations with people and explain where I'm at.
• I'm an extrovert who needs time alone, or almost alone. What I mean is that I get energy from people (extrovert) but at the same time, I need time to clarify my position. This weekend helped me do that.

On top of all this stuff that's been going on, I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday. All four of them. And let me tell you, it hasn't helped me process. It has, however, taken my mind off of the emotional pain- even if momentarily.

There are no accidents. That is something I firmly believe.
I just finished reading a blog post from a friend of mine, a hero actually, and 'no accidents' came to my mind. Not so much because there is a reason for everything, although that may be the case, but because of who I know Jesus to be.
Jesus is the savior of the world, sent because man sinned. That's the squirrel answer. God created man perfectly, and when we screwed it up, he sent Jesus because-yeah- that's how much we mean to him. He loves me enough to carry me in his arms when I screw my life up and make bad decisions- or when things happen to me that are completely out of my control.
Jesus is the supreme and ultimate MacGyver, able to create something out of nothing, good from bad, and bring everything together. If life was a giant puzzle, Jesus would be the one putting all the pieces together. He's the one able to see how one decision can affect someone's entire life, and one event, such as death, can change a whole circle of people forever. And yet, somehow, among all the pain, adultry, pornogrophy, murder, suicide, drugs, and death He is able to love us. He is able to love me.

I don't understand. I don't see the 'no accident' in my big brother's death. There may be no answer to my asking 'why?'

So, I process.

Tomorrow I'm headed off for a weekend in McCall with my friends (yep, back to the mountains.) This time around, it'll be more to have fun and laugh. Much wanted, and much needed.

Grieving is painful.
Colin

The music plays on

Yesterday night and today have been some of the most fun times I've ever had. My family so blesses me with their warm smiles and embraces.
Thanks to everyone who attended my brother's funeral yesterday. After that and the burial I really felt like a load was lifted off my chest. I still feel the pain often, like needles in my heart. However, I now also feel as though I can begin to move forward, whatever that means.
Today was spent sleeping in until 11:30, eating at Mongolian BBQ, going to see Gran Torino, playing games and laughing with family at my sister's house, and finally watching Meet the Parents on a projector screen with surround sound (yes, it makes the jokes funnier.)

I'm utterly blown away at the incredible support my family has recieved from people! Thank you all so much!!

Tomorrow means church and more family, both of which I look forward to. The incredible pain of the last week has shown me what it really means to trust God. I don't know a lot of things, but He does. Perhaps that's really what being a Ground Shaker means.
Pray for me as I move in to this next week- I get my wisdom teeth out on Monday! I look forward to watching many movies and smiling at my friends and girlfriend with chipmunk cheeks :)

And so, the music plays on
Colin

A flood

	Jars of Clay- Flood

The last couple days in a few thousand words

Outpouring

Why?

My heart it stops, the infection spreads,
My mind it jumps, the rope becomes threads,
My eyes become blurry, the world disappears,
All that is left is the pain and the tears,
Pain in a form, so clouded and raw,
My life becomes ice, my heart just won't thaw,
I know there's a love, undiluted and pure,
I know that I know, yet now I'm not sure,
Concrete becomes glass, and the glass starts to break,
The masks all come off, the tears cleanse the fake,
"This doesn't make sense!", the people all yell,
My heart is in pieces, this is earth, and I'm in hell,

So out of this blackness, this sea of emotion,
I reach out my hand, drowning in this ocean,
And then it get's grasped, and I know that I'm free,
Papa is there, and I'm on his knee,
And sitting there with me, look it's my brother!
We run and we greet, then we hug one another,
And I know Nate is safe, there's nothing to fear,
In fact it really sucks, that I have to be stuck here,

One life is passed, and yes I will mourn,
I will cry, I will scream, and I will be torn.

My brother is gone.
Those words alone are hard to fathom.
Thank you all so much for your continued prayer and support. It means so much to my family.

This journey my family is on is so hard.
The comfort I hold on to is that my brother is in chillin' with Papa in heaven. He now knows God in a more real way then I ever will here.

I love you, Nate

Colin

The Shadows Cross My Heart

I'm numb. Grieving. Unexplainable, inexpressible pain entered into my life and the life of my family yesterday morning.
My brother, Nate Mansfield, died.
I feel like this is some horrible dream that if I pinch myself hard enough, yell in my head loud enough, I will wake up, call him on the telephone, and hear his voice.
But reality sucks.
I will never hear my brothers voice again. His cackling laugh, his amazing smile.
It's all so hard to take in, to process.
And so I grieve. I don't have the energy to do anything else, nor do I want to.

Please pray for my family. Our rock is Jesus Christ, and our faith remains in Him. Like my dad said, this isn't the time where our faith gets tested, this is the time where our faith gets proven.

I love my brother so much and will miss him so incredibly.

Nate, I love you.

-Lue (Colin)

Click here for updates and memorial dates/times