Everything is dark, silent. Mist and fog cover any source of illumination. Shadows fall on shadows, and all color is kept at bay. A breeze blows, and one is reminded of times when that same breeze wrapped and played with their hair on a spring day...but no more. Now this wind is frost biting and gnaws at exposed flesh. Forced to pull their layered coats and jackets closer to their body, one ponders how and why they got there. It's as though the darkness came on its own accord, uninvited, unexpected, unbelieved.
Then, something happens. The horizon sparkles, and some gray turns to orange. All of a sudden, mist is burned up, and fog melts away. A warm beam of light makes its way to the shivering body, while also in hot pursuit of that quickly fleeing icy breeze. Jackets are shed, flip flops are put on, and frowns are turned upside down. What is this welcome visitor that brings back the chirping of birds?
A new day.
In many ways I feel like this summer has in some way or another birthed a new day in my life. I'm not sure exactly how to form this feeling into words, but I'll do my best.
These last months have proven to be the hardest in my life. Grief and pain are not enemies to be underestimated. The deaths of my brother and my grandma sent me in a tailspin, one which I am still only barely coming out of.
I write today not to say that I am "back to normal" or that I've "dealt with everything." Rather, I write because I believe I have begun to change.
I'm ready for my senior year. I'm ready to make the most out of my last year in High School. But more then ready, I'm pumped. I feel like I'm on an edge, on a precipice, of something much much larger: and it excites me.
I also feel like the contrast of these last months of darkness and death, and this new chapter of my life is what makes me excited. I appreciate the light so much more after being in darkness.
Not to say I don't have my dark days, my dark times. Those are still frequent. But just glimpses of light are enough to make me excited, and it's great!
So, after a summer of West Point, Spain, France, Italy, and California, I'm so ready to appreciate the light of my senior year. Please pray with me as I go into this year locked and loaded.
What's next Papa?
Until then, I'm enjoying my last month of summer!